Monday, April 27, 2009

Fire at Your Fingertips

I gotta get rich and smarter, that’s all there is to it.

If you remember, a couple of weeks ago I made the discovery that rich and smart people don’t produce as much..mmm…waste, as dumb and poor people. My conclusion was based on the fact that Fresh Market, with a target market that is tre’ upscale, carries only one type of toilet paper and it only comes in a 4-roll pack. Food Lion, which sells to those of us in the shallow end of the eco-educational pool has 49 kinds of toilet paper and it comes in packs the size of a postal van.

My new discovery is that rich and smart people can obviously make fire with their fingertips…or some other part of their body! I revisited Fresh Market on Friday (and an assistant manager pointed out that they actually have 2 brands of TP) and asked about matches or a lighter. I was going to grill out and I don’t know how to rub ANYTHING together fast enough to cause it to spontaneously combust.

Miss Fresh Market 2009 informed me that FM does not carry matches or lighters. “I don’t want to smoke in here,” I told her. “I’m just trying to get some charcoal lit.”


Once again, I’m working on the logic thing. Why would a company that touts its fresh fruits and vegetables, roughage in the best sense of the words, have less TP than an average McDonald’s would stock? And with such a wonderful meat department do they believe everyone runs home to make pate’ foi pork chop in the oven?

I wanted to say, “You are in the South, for goodness sakes! They almost didn’t have the Olympics in Atlanta ‘cause no one in this region of the country had ever seen a flame that big that didn’t have a pig near it!”

All I can assume is that for Fresh Market customers lighting a fire is a snap…literally. If their customers aren't using that technique I don’t want to even THINK about where the fire might come from.

Have a Perfect Week.

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