Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Orange Heads and Shrimp Feet

“Good morning, class! Today we’re going to explore a couple of new, exciting and useful words.”

“HEY!!! TOMMY, PUT THAT PHONE IN YOUR BACKPACK!!”

(Tommy) “But, Mr. Collins! The world is going down the tubes! Carolina lost last night and we have Duke coming into Chapel Hill on Tuesday! And, the smartest people in the world, accountants and movie stars, can’t even get a simple envelope exchange done right! And, worst of all, someone from Clemson is president of the United States!!!”

“Tommy, I’m a little lost on that last one.”

(Tommy) “The orange bobble head guy!!!! I’m telling you, the world is horrible and hateful and we’re all gonna die!!!”

“Oh. Well, Tommy thank you for that current events update. In fact, you’ve led us to our lesson today.”

“Class, Tommy has exhibited a wonderful example of paranoia. It’s a medical condition characterized by delusions of persecution and a fear of impending doom.”

“Today, let’s look at two words, neologism and pronoia.

Neoligism means a new word of phrase, which pronoia is. Pronoia is defined as the opposite state of mind to paranoia. It means having the sense that there is a conspiracy that exists to help the person, that life wants you to succeed and will help you.”

“Some people believe the world—life—is set up to help them have the life they want and be the person they want to be. Not without work, you understand, but they believe life is on our sides.”

“Tommy, what would you think about that?”

(Tommy) “I hate Clemson.”

“Fine. Tommy please go see Nurse Comer about your meds.”

“Class, what would your day and your life be like if you assumed, every morning when you get up, that things were going to work out your way? You would know that you’d do your part to create the life you want, but you’d also understand there are no forces out there that are automatically or naturally against you. That life wants you to succeed and will help you.”

(Carol) “Mr. Collins, Tommy just took off his shoes and it smells like shrimp back here.”


“Thank you, Carol. I’m sure life has a wonderfully positive reason for offering this experience. Class dismissed!!”

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