The Perfect Workday

Playgrounds, Pop Flies and Sanity

2012-01-27T06:06:00.001-08:00

Had a chance yesterday to present two programs for the North Carolina Parks and Recreation Directors Conference. In short, the folks sitting in the audience make sure that you, your kids, your friends and your community have great, safe places to play.

It was a wonderful experience. They were the type of group you pray for when you do what I do: professional, smart and fun.

Before I was introduced I thought of Bill Sapp, the legendary recreation director in Lumberton and Robeson County for three generations. The seeds for my attitudes about sports, sportsmanship and recreation were either directly planted by Bill Sapp or created by his efforts.

What these folks do matters and they certainly aren’t the highest paid folks in their agencies. But, their efforts echo through the lives of thousands of people.

No matter what YOU do it matters to someone; it has an effect on someone. Believe me, there is someone who, some day, will look back and think of you. Did you help them along or hold them back? Are you giving them your best?

Have a great weekend. See you Monday.

Love Through Lucite

2012-01-26T05:56:00.000-08:00

A friend was recently in the checkout aisle at a grocery store.

She overhead one cashier say to another, "It's hard to date someone who's locked up."

Well....yeah.

Talking through a lucite barrier cuts down on the intimacy and trust you need to build a relationship.

Lust, laziness, habits, fundamentalism, fatigue, ignorance or bad pepperoni can make us do stupid things.

Sometimes you just have to know when to walk away.

In Which Camp Are You Pitching Your Tent?

2012-01-25T07:32:00.000-08:00

Heard two things within about 12 hours of each other and my title question came to mind.

Heard the State of the Union Address last night (now, now…don’t get off on a rant in either direction) and then listened to Seth Godin (marketing genius and most-read blogger on earth) this morning on a book on CD.

Seth was saying that the world has been divided into two camps: The “Let’s Keep Things the Way They Were” folks like politicians, big business, old thinkers. And, the “Be a Little Weird and Color Outside the Lines” folks like Apple Computers, creative small businesses, and new thinkers.

The great thing for those of us in the second group is that weird is winning. The best businesses and groups are focusing less on how things were (mass manufacturing, the Big Boys deciding what we should want and pushing it at us) and more on customization, individualization and helping people maximize their potential and lives.

The Golden Rule ain’t working anymore. It’s all about The Platinum Rule (Google it): Do Unto Others the Way They Would Have It Be Done to Them.

So, which camp are you in?

There will be fewer tents in the first group as time goes on. However, there is an illusory sense of security, all the tents look alike.

But, pitching your tent in the second camp is scary because you’ve got to take responsibility for your life.

I hope I see you pitching your tent alongside mine in Campground #2.

How Long Is Your Worry Tail?

2012-01-24T07:06:00.000-08:00

One month ago today was Christmas Eve. Seems like either forever ago or yesterday, doesn’t it?

One year from today is Christmas Eve. Have you done your shopping?

Lots of folks are already worrying about something that is months or years away.

I’m all for planning ahead but, hey, if you’re spending valuable time today worrying about something that will happen waaaaay out in the future…or worrying about something that happened in the past you have too long a worry tail.

Might be time to snip it off?

Code Blue! Code Blue!

2012-01-23T07:36:00.000-08:00

Am in a hospital waiting area biding my time before I do some training.

I can hear the intercom communications and I often think about how these announcements note events happening in the lives of patients, staff and visitors.

Code Blue! or something like it is often used as a way to alert the staff that a patient is having a life-threatening event.

When I hear something like that I wonder what it would be like if we had an alert to let us know when things were happening in our lives that might threaten our happiness and/or future success.

I had a Code Blue! alert recently (not in a hospital) and was able to steer away from the danger.

Most of the time we know what the Code Blues! in our lives might be.

Are you paying attention to yours?

The Promise of Romance and a Bullet

2012-01-20T07:03:00.000-08:00

My brother has a raccoon problem. His not-so-cute-and-little visitor has been rummaging around in the attic for a few days.

So, Joe called a critter-gitter. In fact, if you've never heard of Critter Gitter it's actually the name of one of the animal removal franchises.

They gitter guy comes to your house, puts some traps around (usually cages the critter gets trapped in), checks on them and takes the critter away when they're caught.

I asked Joe what they use for bait. He said, "Coon goo and cat food."

Don'tcha love that phrase, "Coon goo." It sounds like some sort of Asian desert. The waiter asks what you'd like with your moo goo gai pan and you say, "I'll have a bowl of coon goo."

Anyway, I'm figuring that coon goo is kinda like the stuff hunters use to attract deer. It's a mixture of pheromones (the fragrances that attract creatures--including humans--to romantic encounters)and body fluids and, well, ok...let's just say that it's stuff that infers that good things are going to happen.

That's when Joe told me the bad news. If they catch a raccoon the critter gitter takes it away and kills it. The raccoons are so destructive to a house and have such great homing sense that no matter how far away you take them they'll come back and keep tearing your place up. So the insurance industry had the legislature pass a law that says the critter has to be destroyed.

Which led me to this, "isn't that sad" thought: Here you are, a raccoon just trying to get along, and you smell some coon goo and cat food and you think, "Sweet! Food AND romance!!! How great is this!!" So you walk into the cage and the next thing you know you're in the back of a truck on your way to a date with a .22 bullet and raccoon heaven.

My next thought was that coon goo for me would probably be a mixture of Ivory soap, Obsession and a Burger King Double.

It'd take a big cage for me, though.

Have a great weekend. See you Monday.

The Little Blue Marble

2012-01-19T04:40:00.000-08:00

Presented "Guerrilla Marketing" last night in Dunn, NC.

Most of the attendees were from the Angier Chamber of Commerce and as we talked at the break I discovered that some of them we're related to people I know, had grown up in my home town, were in the same fraternity I was in and could make a range of other connections.

This little blue marble truly is a small world.

The coworker, neighbor or aquaintance you hardly ever talk to may know someone or something that will get you closer to your dream.

With whom can you make a connection?

Joke or Job?

2012-01-18T06:01:00.001-08:00

A great line in my devotion today about life: It’s not a joke—but it’s also not a job.

I’ve been guilty at times of flying through life and not taking much, if anything, very seriously. My excuse was that I was young and I had time to get serious. And I was right.

Many more people look at life as a job they have to slog to and from and through every day; a burden to be borne through time.

The great thing about life is that you get to choose what it is for you.

Why not think of it as a journey or, better yet, an adventure that continues throughout and beyond your life? The adventure outlook allows you to see the ups and downs, even death, as simply part of the adventure. Nothing in life is to be feared or seen as a crushing defeat, it’s simply part of the adventure. Victories and joyous occasions are enjoyed as high points on the trip.

So, what’s it to ya? A job, a joke or an adventure?

T+E-P=$$$

2012-01-17T06:02:00.001-08:00

In my marketing programs I offer a simple equation that can lead to success: T+E-P=$$$.

That’s “Time” plus “Energy” minus “Ego” equals “Money”…or Success.

A very smart woman I know keeps telling me, “it’s all about the money,” so there’s a different spin I put on the equation that I always hope folks get: If you don’t have any $$$ then all you have is Time, Energy and Pride.

So, if you’ll invest Time and Energy into a situation, and get your Pride out (thinking there are efforts that are beneath you) you can often find the same type of success you’d have if you had a ton of $$$ to throw at the situation.

Remember, you only have five resources, personally or professionally, Time, Energy, Ego (Pride and the psychological definition of Ego which is who you see yourself as being), $$$ and LUCK.

If you aren’t going to rely on LUCK for the type of life you want you’ve got to use the other resources as effectively as possible.

To what effort today do you need to focus your Time and Energy?

Dr. Martin Luther King (1929-1968)

2012-01-16T09:44:00.001-08:00

-“If you are called to be a street sweeper, sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. Sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, 'Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.'”

“Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illumines it.”

Martin Luther King

2012-01-13T05:32:00.000-08:00

Wooooooo! It's Friday the 13th!

"Friggatriskaidekaphobia" is the fear of Friday the 13th. "Frigga" was the name of the Norse goddess from whom the word Friday is taken.

Until the 19th Century there was no mention of Friday the 13th. The phrase was used in some works of fiction and around 1900 the use jumped dramatically.

Folklorists believe the concept that Friday the 13th was unlucky came from the combination of two suspicions, that 13 was an unlucky number and that Friday was a bad day (there were a number of stock market crashes on Fridays in the 19th Century).

You know as I do, though, that Friday the 13th turns out like WE make it. We decide if the day is good or bad, lucky or unlucky.

Make today and this weekend lucky for yourself...I'm planning on doing that.

Have a great weekend. See you Monday.

Time To Wave Bye-Bye

2012-01-12T07:13:00.001-08:00

A good friend of mine is making some major life changes. He’s a professional who has the courage to step away from a 30-year career to seek something different.

We talked for a long time yesterday about his move and some of the logistics of making it happen. He isn’t financially secure enough to retire but he can take a while to slow down, look at his life and make some decisions.

One of his comments has stuck with me. He said, “I’ve spent most of my life trying to please other people.” And, I’ll have to say that he’s done a good job of that.

I suggested that now seemed to be the time to please himself.

But, here’s the rub: If he spends time trying to please himself some of those folks he’s been pleasing for years won’t like it because, to them, he’ll be a different person. And most folks don’t like their assumptions and long-held beliefs challenged.

You need to realize as my friend does that if you decide to take a journey to a different place there will be some people who won’t be coming along…and the old you will be one of them. And that can be difficult for everyone concerned.

To whom will you be waving goodbye?

What About The Dragon Tattoo?

2012-01-11T07:10:00.001-08:00

It seems that half the world has read Stieg Larsson’s book, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. The rest of the world is seeing the movie.

I didn’t read the book but I saw the movie last week and if you’re willing to have your heebeejeebies level tested you need to see it.

You can’t take your eyes off Rooney Mara, the actress who plays investigator Lisbeth Salander. She’s scary and sexy and powerful and vulnerable and violent and caring all at once. And Daniel Craige as someone other than James Bond was great.

Be careful, this is not a huggy-kissy let’s go to the movies kind of flick. It’s a holy-sh** what’s going to happen next, movie. If you hold hands in this movie it’s because you’re scared or the person next to you is.

Go see The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo because you want to know the boundaries of love…but go prepared to be jolted.

The Nose of the Football

2012-01-10T07:10:00.001-08:00

Last night, in the national championship game, Alabama ran a fake field goal attempt and made a first down by the nose of the football.

Life’s like that sometimes…you succeed, make sale, win a heart, help a friend, make difference in a life…by the smallest of margins. But, the margin isn’t what matters, the outcome is the most important thing.

You won!

Look around, what have been some of your small wins?

Remember, they’re wins!

Hello Monday! From Tom Hanks

2012-01-09T06:30:00.001-08:00

This from Tom Hanks, “When I was a kid only Batman had a cell phone. He had a car phone. I was like, ‘Man, can you imagine having a car phone?’ But technology has not altered our lives, other than perhaps how we go about them. We are still in the position of waking up and having a choice: Do I make the world better today somehow, or I do not bother?”

Startin' Up and Startin' Now

2012-01-06T05:22:00.001-08:00

So, how’s your first week of ’12 going?

Remember, only 7% of folks who make resolutions actually keep them so the odds are not in your favor.

Here’s a way to look at it: What did you do this week that you hadn’t been doing on a regular basis? And, if you keep doing it what will your life—or at least that part of your life—look like one year from now?

It doesn’t have to be anything big, small changes can reap great rewards.

If you haven’t started off the new year in the way you wanted I have a fun project you can do this weekend that will get you off on the right foot.

Here’s the deal: A CD is going to be made that will be the soundtrack of your life. What songs are on it? You don’t have to limit the number of songs, but start with 12 and go from there.

I’ve decided the song that would accompany my birth video (GOOD GOD!, we’re not talking about actual footage, you don’t think Bill and Marie would have had a camera in the delivery room, do you?!)…would be, “Starting Up” by The Rolling Stones.

Try the project and have a great weekend. See you Monday.

Hard To Turn On a Light When It's Unplugged

2012-01-05T04:36:00.001-08:00

It has already started out as “one of those days.”

At 6:15 am the alarm on the clock/radio blows me out of a deep sleep and great dream. I roll over like my a** is on fire, grab for the clock and knock the glass of water on the bedside table over on me/the bed/books/the radio/papers/my phone/a camera (don’t ask) and the floor, I’m grabbing at the glass, PUNCHING AT THE CLOCK TO GET IT TO STOP ALARMING WHICH IT WON’T!, jumping up to get a towel, PUNCHING AT THE DAMN CLOCK TO GET IT TO STOP!, wiping with the towel, JERKING THE CORDS OUT OF THE SOCKET TO GET THIS DAMN ALARM TO STOP!, worrying about getting electrocuted, mashing the towel on the floor to dry the carpet, IF THIS DAMN CLOCK DOESN’T STOP I’LL…! AND, IT’S STILL ALARMING WHILE UNPLUGGED!, reaching to turn on a light that is not plugged in…

….and then realizing that it’s my phone that’s alarming.

The trash pick-up is today so I have to roll the can down to the curb. I think I’ll just get in it.

No Bran This Morning!

2012-01-04T06:19:00.001-08:00

I learned my lesson yesterday. There’ll be no multiple bran muffins and high roughage fruit for breakfast today.

I feel like I went from 225 lbs. to about 175 in about 2 hours. Which, I hate to admit, probably confirms a lot of what’s been said about me by past managers, ex-wives and friends who’ve known me for many years.

BUT THE CHARMIN COMPANY LOVES ME!!

Which brings me to today’s point. Remember when you were in elementary school and the TP had woodchips in it..or, at least it seemed like that?

Well, I discovered a long time ago that Charmin doesn’t cost so much more than the woodchip TP that it’s unaffordable.

Sometimes a small investment—money, time, effort, emotion—can have a big payoff and make your life so much more comfortable, enjoyable and even joyous.

Where are you cutting corners or trying to save with good intentions—people, things, situations, activities—and with a small increase in investment your life jumps from ok to great?

Bran and a New Year

2012-01-03T05:57:00.001-08:00

The New Year started this morning, didn’t it?

Sunday really didn’t seem like it and yesterday’s semi-New Year’s day, for some reason, didn’t feel like a usual NY day even with all the bowls.

But today folks are back at work and school and today’s the day we see if any of those resolutions are going to stick.

So, let me tell you…mmm…that I am...ooooh…following through with…yikes!...my resolution to live in a more healthy way.

Had two bran muffins and an apple for…uh oh!....breakfast and it’s…well….OK! GOTTA GO! SEE YA TOMORROW MORNING!!

Your Future Is In Waterhole #3

2012-01-02T06:12:00.000-08:00

During a recent discussion about the college football mess a good friend tossed out the oft-repeated line, “It’s all about the money.”

Well, yes, and power and egos and fear.

Her line reminded me of a great scene in a little-known western comedy, Waterhole #3 (1967) with James Coburn and Carroll O’Connor (Archie Bunker). To give you an idea of what the movie was like the tag line was, “This is THE WILD, WILD WEST Where The Bad Guys Win And The Good Girls Lose!”

The premise of the movie is that there may be gold buried in Waterhole #3 and the characters are trying to backstab each other to get it.

At a key point in the movie James Coburn’s rascally character, Lewton Cole, is being run out of town. Sitting astride his horse he turns and looks back at the town and says, “Sometimes people put too much store in gold.” He hesitates a moment, reconsidering, and then adds, “And sometimes they don’t put enough.”

While most folks in our society want to be more financially successfully those same people will look down their noses at others who focus too much on money. Remember,most people get the verse wrong..it isn't, "money is the root of all evil"...it's "For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil.”

Here’s the deal though; if you want to be more financially successful in 2012 you’re not going to pray it into existence. You’ll have to do something different. Powerball tickets are going from $1 to $2, which is still a deal if you win, but the point is you have to buy a ticket!

What are you going to do this week that gets you on the path to being more financially successful this year?

If Ya Wanna Play, Ya Gotta Pay

2011-12-29T08:16:00.000-08:00

Sorry about missing yesterday. It mystifies me why, if you stay in a budget hotel the internet connection is free, but if you stay in a nice place, like I'm doing in DC, you have to pay for it.

If you're not into sports you may want to skip today. But, believe it or not this issue affects your life and taxes whether you're into college sports or not.

In the last two days there have been articles in USA Today, The New York Times and the Wall Street Journal about the beyond-reason power big-time college coaches exert on their universities.

The presidents of The University of Connecticut and Miami University have both said more attention needs to be paid to donors and "sources of revenue that are not a part of the academic mission" of the university.

That's wonderful, coming as it does from the leaders of two universities that are being smacked by the NCAA at this time.

But, the toothpaste is out of the tube on this issue. It's like a coach once said about a great runner, "we can't stop him, all we can hope to do is contain him."

That's the issue on big-time football and basketball. Unfortunately, we'll continue to see problems and they'll come in waves accompanied by handwringing and penalties and the same ole-same ole...are ya listenin' Ohio State?

So, athletic departments can say that the coaches salaries are paid through donations but all the equipment, facilities, most of the scholarships and the upkeep is paid by...us.

Someone once asked Babe Ruth if he thought he was worth his $100,000 yearly salary (this was when a hundred grand was really worth a hundred grand)because it was more than the President of the United States made. Babe said, "Sure, I'm worth it. I had a better year."

Chip Kelly, the football coach at Oregon makes more than four times the COMBINED salaries of the president of the University of Oregon and the president of the Oregon university system. Think about that.

Go Ducks!

Flag on the Play...at Work

2011-12-27T06:14:00.001-08:00

I watched football for the 6 ½ hours yesterday and last night.

A thought hit me while I was half-dozed. What if there were referees in the workplace? When someone was slack or messed up or managed incorrectly a referee would come in and throw a flag? And then, the person would be docked a certain number of dollars in their pay?

Also, if someone went above and beyond their job description the referee would come in and drop a little bonus on their desk or put it in their pocket?

If that happened, don’t you think folks would learn faster, watch more closely what they did and said, and be more motivated to go the extra mile?

Whew! It's Over!

2011-12-26T07:02:00.001-08:00

Over?

You think it's over?

"IT'S NOT OVER UNTIL WE SAY IT'S OVER!! WAS IT OVER WHEN THE GERMANS BOMBED PEARL HARBOR?!!"

Ooops, channeling John Belushi in Animal House.

All of a sudden Christmas is over and December 26 is such an odd day for most of us. If you don't have to run in to work today can be a day of recollecting yourself, starting to clean up a little (I'm not watering my tree anymore 'cause it's history at the end of the week), maybe seeing some friends you missed last week and over the weekend and building your energy levels for the run at New Year's this weekend.

You could spend some time thinking about resolutions for the coming year if you do that sort of thing. Only 7% of Americans actually keep their resolutions.

You could watch my Tar Heels play a bowl game at 5 pm against Missouri.

You could try to fix that toy your kids just HAD to have but broke within the first five minutes.

You could try and figure out the new technology you received.

You could spend one more moment thinking about the people who were not in your Christmas this year.

You could spend the rest of your time appreciating the people who came into and ARE in your life this year.

Yep, December 26 is an odd day. But then, any day you're vertical and breathing is a good day. Enjoy it.

OK, Put Your Head Between Your Knees and Just Breath

2011-12-23T06:47:00.001-08:00

Ok, let’s sit down for a minute…I know, I know, you’re getting more stressed about Christmas being 48 hours away.

But, let’s be honest. If you’ve waited this long to try and find that “just right” present…well, you should have been shopping on Labor Day when the decorations went up.

So, in order to help you out, I’m reprinting my ’08 article about “Men and Holiday Shopping” (©2008 Mike Collins).

Please feel free to forward.

Men and Holiday Shopping

In the spirit of the season here are “The 10 Secrets Men Use When Shopping for the Holidays.” I realize that I am risking my standing with my brothers by revealing these secrets. In fact, this is chapter seven in Things Every Guy Should Know, the book we are given at birth. It is the same book that explains why we leave the toilet lid up and why body noises and The Three Stooges are funny. We are not supposed to share these secrets but I’m tired of hearing the complaining.

The 10 Secrets Men Use When Shopping for the Holidays

1. We understand that the focus is not holiday shopping, it is holiday buying. Shopping infers comparison and that takes time. Men only shop for things we want, like golf clubs, waders, or barbecue tongs. We don’t comparison shop for gifts for others. Spending an extraordinary amount of time searching for and buying “just the right gift” is more of a gift to the giver than the recipient. Buy it and move on. The shopping vs. buying rule is the basic difference in men and women when it comes to holiday shopping, Being buying-focused is the Number One Time Saver in holiday shopping.

2. We are experts at feigned ignorance and incompetence. Men escape more work--not just shopping and wrapping--by faking being clueless than with any other strategies. We buy or do something we know is stupid or inappropriate early in a relationship and then women assume that we just can‘t handle shopping. Think about it, our brothers created The Theory of Relativity, brain surgery, fantasy football and Snuggies. It isn’t that we can’t shop, it’s just that we don’t want to.

3. We delegate. We aren’t shy about asking someone to shop for us. This can be an extension of Rule #2 as in, “Honey, you know I never buy the right gift.” Or, we claim to be too busy, hurt, sad or confused. My favorite is, “I can do this but I know you love the whole shopping experience so here‘s the money, have fun.”
Also, we aren’t shy about letting some thing, a computer, do our shopping. This is where online shopping can help, but any man who does all his Christmas shopping sitting in front of a computer is forgetting the basic rule of manliness, “Every now and then you have to venture into the jungle.”

4. We know that re-gifting is a wonderful example of being environmentally friendly and if it was that good a gift other people ought to get to enjoy it. It isn’t that we are uncaring when we recycle a gift, it’s just plain good sense. Our logic about past gifts is that if we haven’t used it we probably didn’t need it so maybe someone else will enjoy it. A great recycling strategy is to pass on an artifact. Giving an old glove or soccer ball or passing on an item owned by a relative who has, well, passed on (now, don‘t do that aaaaawwwww sound, they don’t need it any more) means we may not even have to leave the house to obtain a gift.

5. We realize that using humor as a strategy makes gift acquisition a form of entertainment. A singing, vibrating, battery-operated hampster costs the same as a 3-pack of socks and squeezing the activation switches on six or seven of the little devices one after the other in the store is worth the trip. And if the gift is opened in front of others it serves a dual purpose, a gift for one and fun for all.

6. We clearly understand the GATT Treaty. Centuries ago men signed the Gift Acquisition and Time Treaty. The treaty states that we do not have to travel so far to get a gift that it endangers getting back in time for the game. The point is that there is no need to travel very far for gifts (See Rule #7).

7. We understand that one source can often fill most, and maybe all, of a gift list. Chain pharmacies have turned into mini-department stores with candy, toiletries, books, specialty items such as eyebrow snippers and singing, vibrating, battery-operated hampsters sitting side-by-side. Gift bags are also available, so no wrapping. I’ve been accused of doing most of my shopping on aisle 9 at CVS Pharmacy. That would be incorrect. Aisle 9 is the one with the incontinence products and I‘m not there yet. NOTE: Do NOT go to the Big Box Stores. The selection is overwhelming which leads to comparison shopping (see Rule #1) and we don‘t want to walk that much without a remote control, golf club, gun or fishing rod in our hands.

8. We look at our list and ask, “How many of these people might cross paths during the next year?” Gift recipients who don’t or won’t know each other are unlikely to compare gifts or givers. We can buy one type of gift (ex. candy) and give it to multiple recipients.

9. We know that at least every five years we can give the same type of gift to EVERYONE. For instance, everyone likes some type of book, cd or gift certificate. One visit to a media store and the job is done. The ultimate one gift is literally that, one gift for everyone on the list. If a man is willing to step up and send his gift list on a cruise it means one purchase and everyone is done.

10. Finally, men know sincerity is the key to true gift-giving. Once you can fake sincerity you’re home free… “I searched everywhere for this and it‘s JUST what I wanted you to have.” One man I know can give a shovel as a gift and have the recipient believe the search for the shovel ranged across continents, took decades, involved wise men and, therefore, is the best shovel on earth. A dissapointed recipient feels terrible by acting miffed.
*
The rest of us realize only a few people really matter to us. We spend 80 percent of our time on the 20 percent of the people on our list whom we truly love. We’ll do whatever it takes to see them smile at the holidays…even go shopping.

END

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Get'n Down and Get'n Up

2011-12-22T07:08:00.001-08:00

Today is the Winter Solstice, the shortest day and longest night of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. In Roman times the Solstice was celebrated by Saturnalia, a harvest festival honoring the god Saturn who, by all accounts, was a pretty cool dude.

Many of you who know me understand why Saturnalia might appeal to me. Originally, the basic rules of Saturnalia were that the roles of master and slave were reversed, moral restrictions were loosened, and the rules of etiquette ignored. Sounds like a weekend at the Collins house.

According to Wikipedia, “Saturn was a major god presiding over agriculture and the harvest time. His reign was depicted as a golden age of abundance and peace… In medieval times he was known as the Roman god of agriculture, justice and strength.”

Believe it or not, as Saturnalia morphed into a festival celebrating rebirth and the sun (DAMN! Grown-ups ruin all the fun!) Christians appropriated the celebration and most of the aspects of Christmas that we in the West celebrate came from Saturnalia.

Which reminds me; last night I heard a great line from the late business philosopher Jim Rohn that clicks with the concept of rebirth. He said, “You can tear up your life script for the last five years and write a new script.”

Saturnalia was a week-long festival. Why not look at the next week leading up to the new year as a time of rebirth. Tear up your old script and start thinking about a new one.

But, dang, that whole “moral restrictions were loosened, and the rules of etiquette ignored” thing sure sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

Stealing a Moment to Chat

2011-12-21T07:35:00.001-08:00

When I think of the phrase bank robbery two images come to mind: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, and Robert Dinero and his crew in the best cops and robbers movie ever made, Heat.

But, bank robbery obviously ain’t what it used to be according to the FBI. In the last decade bank robberies in North Carolina dropped from 406 (2001) to 98 so far this year.

Why? The use of new technology by banks and customers has helped.

The biggest factor, though, has been a time-tested method. Raleigh Police Chief Harry Patrick Dolan said, “Birds fly, fish swim and people talk.” Dolan added, “Nothing beats that person picking up the phone and saying, ‘I think I have some information.’ ”

Life is the same. Getting people to talk, to communicate, is still the best way to discover opportunities, challenges, problems and rewards. Great communication squashes assumptions and is the foundation of great relationships, communities and nations.

Do a better job of getting the people in your life talking and you’ll end up with a better life. You might not like what you hear at first, but good, honest communications acts as a guide to the life you want.

So, whataya say?

Karats in the Kettles

2011-12-20T05:46:00.001-08:00

Salvation Army workers in Raleigh found a woman’s wedding rings wrapped in a $100 bill in one of their kettles over the weekend. They were so amazed by the rings they forgot to ask where the kettle was located.

There are lots of ways to see this; a fed-up wife rejecting a two-timing spouse, a widow or widower offering a good deed in honor of their late spouse, or, it could be someone rejecting materialism in support of helping those in need. You can create your own story.

The key point in the gesture is one of letting go. The giver could be letting go of the hope for a successful marriage; or the tangible recognition of a marriage ended by death, or a need to let things define a life.

Letting go can be the hardest thing any of us ever do in life. Our hopes, desires, needs and habits are deeply ingrained and aren’t easily released. In essence, we are letting go of the life we thought we would have.

And it…just…isn’t…easy. In the book, Pudd’nhead Wilson’s Calendar, Mark Twain said, “Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.”

There’s some thing, habit or need we all need to let go of?

What’s yours?

Crazy Christmas Weeks

2011-12-19T05:45:00.000-08:00

Happy Monday!

Today is the first day of two weeks that can be kinda crazy. Some folks take this week off to get ready for Christmas. Others will vacation next week—the week between Christmas and New Year—because so little gets done.

However, some of you are stressing because it’s end-of-month, end-of-year and you may have quotas to reach, goals to accomplish or tasks to wrap up...in addition to all the Christmas craziness.

Here are three suggestions that get you closer to sending 2011 out on a positive note while lowering your stress level:
- Do a Master To-Do List. Write down everything you need to do before the end of the year…everything…personal and professional. You may be a little overwhelmed by what you see but having a list helps you set priorities and keeps you from forgetting things.
- Ask more questions. You can’t get everything done and asking questions helps you focus on the things that are truly important to you and others.
- Get a little more organized. Don’t leave your house in the morning, don’t leave your desk at lunch or the end of the day, and don’t go to bed at night without taking 30 seconds each time to straighten a few things up. The cumulative effect is stunning. 30 seconds here and there will get you organized and keep you organized. Walking away from your work area on December 31 and being able to look back and see it organized is a great way to send off the old year.

Start with the To-Do List. It’ll only take a couple of minutes. Do it right now.

My Gift to You

2011-12-16T07:07:00.000-08:00

For all you procrastinators and guys who think it’s cool to wait until Christmas Eve to buy gifts let me be the one to inform you….THIS IS THE LAST WEEKEND BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!

There were seven people standing at the post office door this morning when I showed up to mail my cards.

So, it’s time to get serious about it!

With that thought in mind I want to share a valued family secret and tradition. Don’t tell anyone about this unless you want to send it to all your friends.

My Famous Tequila Cake Recipe...
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lime juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit
Sample the tequila to check quality. Take a large bowl; check the
tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Repeat. Turn on
the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add
1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make
sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off
the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck iin the
cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor. Mix on the
turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it
loose with a drewscriver. Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the tequila. Now shift
the lime ice strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar,
or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin
360 s and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the tequila and
wipe the counter with the cat.
Cherry Mristmas

Have a wonderful weekend…see you Monday!

Rollin' to a Miracle

2011-12-15T07:42:00.001-08:00

Dutch paralympic athlete Monique van der Vorst, 27, has been paralyzed from the waist down since she was 13. She won two silver medals for hand-cycling at the 2008 Paralympic Games.

Last year she regained sensation in her legs after a crash during training.

Since then she has trained on an ordinary bicycle and last week won a place on a professional cycling team. Her goal is to compete in the Olympic Games in 2016.

She said, “In sport, everything is possible.”

When all we hear in news is the bad stuff I thought you might like evidence that miracles do happen.

Here’s what I got from this story. Monique wasn’t sittin’ at home praying that something good would happen. She had accepted her reality and was doing the best she could with what she had…and something good happened.

You go, Monique!!

What have you given up on?

Keep rollin’ around. You never know where you’ll find your miracle.

Who's the Real You?

2011-12-14T07:14:00.000-08:00

Good Morning, Class! We have a pop quiz today. Who are these people?

1. Clayton Holmes Grissom
2. Allen Stewart Konigsberg
3. Carlos Ray
4. Margaret Mary Emily Anne Hyra
5. Jo Raquel Tejada
6. Todd Jones

The people above were willing to spend years doing the work necessary to reach the success and dreams they imagined. They were willing to make a life change many of us would find incredibly difficult…they changed their names.

1. Clay Aiken
2. Woody Allen
3. Chuck Norris
4. Meg Ryan
5. Raquel Welch
6. James Earl Jones

You probably don’t have to change your name in order to get closer to the life you’d like to have. What small change could you make?

Nobody Wants to Go to Heaven Now

2011-12-13T03:52:00.001-08:00

A song and a quote grabbed my attention yesterday because they seemed connected.

Quote: “It’s often harder to have the discipline and self-regulation skills to stop doing an activity that is causing obvious problems than to simply and stubbornly continue,” Richard Winnett (professor at Virginia Tech and author of The Ageless Athlete)

Song: “Everybody Wants to Go To Heaven, But Nobody Wants to Go Now.” Kenny Chesney

How many states of existence would be heaven to us: Good health, wonderful relationship, spiritual awareness, success at work…but we’re not willing to move away from the comfort-zone habits that keep us mired in the reality we experience today?

Once we get locked into a thought process or activity it’s hard as the dickens (have ALWAYS wanted to find a reason to use that silly-sounding phrase) to stop it, even if it’s not good for us.

So, here are two words that can change your life: STOP IT!

And go to heaven now.

What do you need to stop?

Step Away From the Rocky Road

2011-12-12T03:40:00.000-08:00

Two of my friends are in the security business. One sells retinal scan and fingerprint technology while the other has a company marketing a new palm scanner that will link your identity to your health records.

The palm scan technology is pretty cool. If you enter a hospital and they scan your palm they can immediately download your records from your doctor’s office; faster follow-up, better care.

This stuff worries me, though.

Here’s what I see coming: Let's say you're in the line at the grocery store and you have some Rocky Road ice cream.

Wait a minute…it gets me a little swimmy-headed to even say “Rocky Road.”

Anyway, when the clerk swiped your little, plastic, key-thingy the machine scanned YOU. Then it quickly contacted your doc’s office and got your weight, vital stats like blood pressure and cholesterol, and the doctor’s recommendations. (Which, in my case, usually start with, “Hey, Shamu, have you thought about birthing this baby?”)

Now, as your items are being scanned the computer is making a judgment about what is good for you. AND IF YOUR ITEM ISN’T GOOD FOR YOU THE STORE WON’T SELL IT TO YOU!!

Is that a billion dollar idea, or what?!

People get healthier and live longer (it won’t be as much fun, but you get the idea), health care costs go down, grocery stores get smaller ‘cause they’re not selling all the bad stuff (except to those anorexic, bulimic cover models) and farmers who grow the good stuff will be more successful.

Here’s the best part: A humongous, illicit, food industry will be created. There’ll be black ice-cream trucks pulling up to peoples’ houses at midnight. There’ll be a back door somewhere with a naked light bulb flickering above it and a sliding slot in the door where’ll you have to have a secret password and then they’ll slip you a Snickers. Some jittery dude on a corner will have Hot Pockets inside his…mmm….pockets.

In the immortal words of one of America’s great philosophers, Butch Cassidy, when he and the Sundance Kid were escaping the train robbery, “I have visions and the world sees through bifocals.”

Have a great Monday.

A Little Something Under the Tree

2011-12-09T08:10:00.001-08:00

Last week a Florida woman killed her elderly roommate and hid the body under some presents beneath their Christmas tree.

The woman was caught in North Carolina early this week when authorities tracked her by checking where the murdered woman’s ATM card was being used. Santa’s helper is being sent back to Florida for trial.

Now, it could just be me, but if that don’t give new meaning to “a little something under the tree” I don’t know what does.

I mean, over time there’s not enough Christmas tree scent to cover that up.

I told a friend about this and she said, “Well, there’s a lot of crazy people out here with the rest of us.”

You what? She’s wrong. There aren’t a lot of crazy people out here with us. There are some people who are so stressed or so crazy they’ll do things that any of us would recognize as coloring outside the lines, big-time.

But, if we believe there are a LOT of people like that we start circling the wagons and not going out and not having much contact with others due to fear.

I’m for believing that most folks are OK and some have problems. Remember the saying, “Be gentle with people, you don’t know what battles they’re fighting.”

‘Course, there are some who are crazy as damned bedbugs.

Have a great weekend and get your tree if you haven’t already…and be careful what you put under it.

See you Monday.

It Won't Kill You To Be Nice

2011-12-08T07:56:00.000-08:00

Saw Hall and Oates at the Durham Performing Arts Center last night. These guys are the biggest selling duo in rock and roll history and they were extraordinary. When I heard “Sara Smile,” “Rich Girl” and “I Can’t Go For That,” the songs took me back to wonderful memories.

But, after I left the concert I kept thinking about the DPAC employees I had encountered. Each of the five or six people I came in contact with—ushers, security, concession people—were unfailingly gracious, efficient and friendly.

In today’s low expectations culture of customer service these folks were champions.

I immediately thought of an ad used by Hilton Hotels years ago. It said, “We don’t train our people to be friendly we simply hire friendly people.”

I’m willing to bet that the people I encountered are nice, friendly people whether they are working or not.

And, here’s the point…they choose to be friendly, courteous, gracious and fun to be around.

We choose to be who we are. If you’re saying other people make you act like you do you’re wrong. You’ve chosen to react to difficult people or situations in a specific way. You’re using an excuse to blame others for behaviors you chose to exhibit.

To be blunt…if you act like an ass…you’ve chosen to be an ass. “They” didn’t make you do it.

Are you blaming someone today for your behavior?

PS…thanks to the folks at DPAC and Hall and Oates for a great experience.

Four Hours On Cruise Control

2011-12-07T04:09:00.000-08:00

Presented a seminar in Richmond, Va, yesterday morning and another one in Lumberton, NC, last night. That’s four hours on I-95 doing about 75 mph on cruise control.

As you can imagine, spending that much time riding gives you a lot of time think and your mind zooms across a wide range of topics. You can solve most of the world problems, find solutions to some of your life challenges, come up with new life issues, solve problems for other people and make a variety of profound observations that, unfortunately, no one else is there to hear.

One observation that kept coming up was that people show you who they are by how they drive. If I had the opportunity to meet some of my fellow I-95 travelers I might have a different opinion of them, but our encounters at high speed were all I had to go on.

You see these folks like I did: The Bumper-Hugger, The Safe-Space Driver, Zoomer, Crawler, Line Crosser, The Irritated “You’re Number One” Finger Giver, God Is a Trucker, The Wave at Everyone Guy, The Left Turn Signal On Since Jersey Woman, The Kids Making Out While Driving, Cell Phone Sandi (that’s what plate on the front of the car said) and The Racer.

As irritating as my encounters were with some of those folks…the drive is over and it’s time to move on. However, you and I know people who would continue to talk about those drivers and the encounters for…ev…er.

Let’em go.

Do the same thing with the irritating encounters you have each day. Don’t drag them into the next day with you…you don’t need the baggage.

Think for a second about the friction you encountered yesterday.

Now…let…it…go.

Look Out the Window!

2011-12-06T04:02:00.000-08:00

Most of the time mymethod of checking the weather is to simply look out the window. I have friends, though, who are addicted to the weather channel.

Am in Richmond preparing to present The Perfect Workday for the staff of the Virginia State Senate. It looks a little cloudy outside so I hit the weather app on my iPhone.

Usually, Local Forecast tells me what it will be like in Raleigh.

(Some of you can see this coming) This time the GPS in the phone told the app where I was and I got the weather in Richmond.

For those of you who are thinking, "So what?"...God Bless You...I'm still amazed at what technology can do.

And, you should be, too.

Each week you should learn one, new, simple thing your technology can do. Whether it's your phone, computer or microwave you, me, none of us, understand and use even a small amount of what technology can do for us.

What might you learn today?

Award Shows and Bowl Games...Too Many or Not Enough?

2011-12-05T06:27:00.000-08:00

Yesterday during one of the pro games there was a promo for a music awards show. Troy Aikman, Pro Football Hall of Famer and TV color analyst said, “You know, these music award shows are like bowl games, it seems like there’s one every other day.” He immediately caught himself and said, “well that’s an example of ‘open mouth, insert foot’” because his network is the one carrying the show.

However, I agree with Troy. And the networks make tons of money from the award shows and the bowls.

But, take a moment and look at them from a different perspective. Both the award shows and the bowls are tangible rewards for people doing something RIGHT.

I love that thought.

What if we caught people doing things right more often in our day-to-day lives? My guess is that by congratulating and rewarding people more often they’d do good things…more often!

Have your own little rewards show this week. Contact 5 people you appreciate and tell them “thank you.” You’ll be amazed at the result.

Who can you call first?

Fins to the Left of Us, Fins to the Right of Us

2011-12-02T05:34:00.000-08:00

(Yesterday was the 800th Perfect Workday Blog. Thanks for reading!)

Two men fishing off Wrightsville Beach recently got a visit from an 18-foot Great White shark. Jaws swam around their boat investigating it and eventually bumped the side. At that point the men decide it was time to leave.

When I heard the report I had the thought that hits me every time I hear a shark story: How many people have been scared away from the ocean by the movie Jaws?

Stephen Speilberg told a great story but I’ve often wondered how the money he made for the movie studio and theatre operators compares to the billions lost by coastal communities because millions of people (based on stories by psychologists about shark fears I’m not exaggerating) don’t spend as much time at the beach as they might.

I’ll readily admit, I’m one of those people. I love the surf and will take any opportunity to head to the coast and go body surfing. But, I catch myself constantly scanning the water and looking out to sea anticipating fins.

My hypervigilance lessens my enjoyment of being in the water.

Here’s the catch: You have a better chance of being killed by lightning or bee stings than you do of being attacked by a shark. For the most part, our fears are groundless.

How often do our fears keep us from having the life we could have?

We’re simply the newest version of the caveman who feared venturing out of his cave because of the shadows thrown on the wall by his own fire.

Get out of your cave and have a great weekend. See you Monday.

Hello? Is This the Front Desk?

2011-12-01T11:53:00.000-08:00

Spent the night last night in a hotel in Greensboro. At about 11 pm I called the desk and arranged a wake-up call for 7. I then set a 7 am alarm on my cellphone.

Then I got to thinking that most of the time in life we get wake-up calls as surprises and often at the worst times. Something happens in our health, families or careers and it jumps up an bites us. The event makes us realize we need to change what we’re doing or make life arrangements we didn’t want to make or had hoped we wouldn’t have to make.

We rarely plan wake-up calls.

But, what if we did plan wake-up calls in life like we do in hotels. Would we call someone or make some sort of arrangements so that we were alerted that it was time to change.

I’d love to say that I’ve got a better idea about how to do this than the simple idea in the last paragraph, but right now I don’t. I think it’s an interesting idea and if you’ve got a way to give yourself a wake-up call let me know at mike@ perfectworkday.com; put "Wake-Up Call" on the subject line.

If your idea seems workable for a bigger audience I’ll spread it here.

You're Being Replaced With a Bobblehead Doll

2011-11-30T07:48:00.001-08:00

Saw a cartoon this morning. Two guys sitting on a bench and one says to the other, “I was saying ‘no’ so many times my boss replaced me with a bobblehead doll.”

Is your default reaction to almost any situation a ‘no’?

Don’t automatically take the reaction as a bad thing.

Saying ‘no’ keeps you from taking risks which can lead to mistakes or failures which can lead to all kinds of bad outcomes.

There’s a whole management philosophy based around saying ‘no’ initially until the other party has either come down to a bargain price for you or proved their case to the point that you know they can’t fail.

On the other hand (a friend of mine at this point would say, “she has a tattoo,” but that’s an old joke and I digress) by saying ‘no’ automatically you self-select out of experiences that could be successful, career-changing or…life-changing.

When you are exposed to new people, situations, opportunities and experiences is your default reaction… ‘no’?

God, Bikinis and Baseball Bats

2011-11-29T04:23:00.001-08:00

An Eastern North Carolina woman recently ended up in jail after she beat her husband with a baseball bat. She said she’d had enough of him getting drunk and playing loud music.

When I heard the story I immediately thought of a poster and email photo that’s been around for a few years. There’s a beautiful, young woman in a bikini and the tag line at the bottom says, “Yeah, she’s hot. But, somewhere there’s a guy who’s just tired of her &#$%!!”

Relationships are not easy. I’m reminded of the woman who, while in couples therapy with her husband, said, “We have religious differences. He thinks he’s God and I don’t.”

As I’m writing this the Huey Lewis song, “Stuck With You,” is playing in the background and the line, “I’m happy to be stuck with you” jumps out.

Whether it’s your work life or personal life finding people you’re happy to be stuck with can be difficult. Or, it could be as simple as finding effective ways to put up with their &#$%!

Do They Smell Better Than You?

2011-11-28T06:07:00.000-08:00

So, how was your Thanksgiving? Hope you enjoyed a great time with wonderful food and friends.

One of the main rewards of the holidays for many of us is that we get to see folks we don’t see on a regular basis. That can be good and…well…you know…

A friend recently told me he appreciated the holidays because it was the only time he had to put up with some of his relatives.

When I pushed him a little he owned up to the fact that one of his relatives has been pretty successful and in comparison my friend doesn’t come out looking so good…to him.

That’s the problem with comparing, you can ALWAYS find someone who is richer, taller, prettier, stronger or smells better.

If you want to look to other folks for examples of accomplishment or some other issue that's fine if you’re using those examples to put together your plan of goals to reach. If you’re using them to beat yourself up because you’re not there, that’s not fine.

Compare your progress to your plan and nothing else.

The issue isn’t so much where you are, it’s do you have a plan at all? And how do you compare to that? If you don’t have a plan you’re just wandering around out here in life and now you’re ticked off because other folks who’ve made more progress planned for it and are doing it.

And you ain’t lookin’ so good, are you?

A loose plan is better than no plan at all.

PS…and don’t tell me you’re simply enjoying each moment…I get the Zen connection, but if that’s all life is to you you’ll come to a moment you won’t enjoy.

What’s your plan?

If the Only Prayer You Ever Say Is....

2011-11-25T04:37:00.001-08:00

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.
Meister Eckhart

Be careful if you are traveling.

Happy Thanksgiving!

See you Monday.

Get the Cattle Prod

2011-11-23T04:41:00.000-08:00

The next few days will, depending on who you’re talking with, be a shopper’s dream or nightmare.

Overcrowded stores, surly salespeople, tired and frustrated shoppers, toooo much traffic, long lines, crying children, toooooo little money…pick your combination or just lump them all into the experience.

So, here’s a tip for lowering your frustration level and raising your enjoyment of holiday shopping…expect less.

Expect less of the salespeople, expect people to be less courteous when driving, expect the stores to be overcrowded so plan ahead and take more time, expect to budget your money.

If you expect less the experience itself becomes the key. Enjoy the people you’re with. Revel in the hunt when shopping. Savor that iced tea/Coke/coffee/cold beer you have during a break in the action.

Expect less and you’ll end up with more.

Still Living In the 8th Century

2011-11-22T03:48:00.000-08:00

Are friends who stop by and bring food the best or what?!!

A good friend stopped by last night and brought dinner. He’s a great guy who travels around the world for fun and he has a VERY practical view of life based on what he’s seen.

The topic of the Mideast came up and I said, “A lot of those folks would be better off if they didn’t cling to living in the eighth century.”

His answer was wonderfully astute. He said, “Why should they change? If you’re a male in that part of the world you have all the power, you don’t educate anyone who might be a threat, you don’t build roads for people who might oppose you, and it’s all about you. As Americans we believe it’s supposed to be about everyone else. We believe we have all the answers. What if we don’t?”

We also agreed that the Penn State scandal was caused by people who ducked their moral responsibility because they wanted to maintain and be part of the power elite. They wanted it to be all about them.

Fear is a strong motivator. Whether you’re living in Libya or coaching in State College, PA, fear of a change in the status quo, whether you admit it or not, can be a primary force behind your actions. Whether we admit it or not we all do things based on fears that life won’t turn out the way we want it to.

When we answer the call of fear we are less than we can be. But, as minister T.D. Jakes points out, “Even strong people stumble.”

If you don’t do what’s right (and you know in your heart what that is) you never sleep well at night.

What keeps you up at night?

Sometimes a Man's Gotta Do What a Child's Gotta Do

2011-11-18T05:34:00.001-08:00

Happy Feet Two premieres today and I’m all over it.

If you saw the first Happy Feet movie and loved it as I did you’re trying to figure out a way to call in stupid this afternoon and head to the local cineplexathon. If you didn’t like it I understand, you’ll be at work bemoaning the fact that your 401-k is now a 201-k and thinking other grown-up thoughts.

If you live long enough you become an adult. It’s a biological thing. Being a grown-up is a psychological thing and sometimes you have to unzip that grown-up suit and let that runnin’ wide-open kid out. Happy Feet does that for me.

Plus, you can’t pass up Robin Williams as the Mexican penguin and there are two new characters. Matt Damon and Brad Pitt are the voices of two krill (little bottom-feeding shrimp-like creatures) and early reviews say the come close to stealing the show.

So, to you grown-ups who’ll be at work all afternoon, don’t steal any office supplies. To those of you who like me are scrounging in the couch for popcorn money, I’ll see you there. And to you semi-grown-ups who’ll at least have the good sense to go to the movie but can’t stop thinking about work, TURN OFF THOSE DAMNED CELL PHONES!!

Have a great weekend! See you Monday.

You Calling You? How Does That Work?

2011-11-17T06:47:00.001-08:00

In the small business programs I present I suggest that budding entrepreneurs call ten people during their planning/research process. The calls can be to suppliers, potential customers and, especially, people who are in the business/industry they hope to be in.

Then I ask, “To whom should your first call be made?” (The answer is an association that supports the industry. They are always a treasure trove of information about the business.)

I get all kinds of answers; your spouse, a friend, my pastor, my lawyer or CPA…all kinds of answers.

But, the one that has always amazed me is, “My first call should be to myself.”

Now, I have to admit..and I’m embarrassed to confess this…I’ve always busted people who offered the comment. I always thought, “How dopey is that?” And I’ll mimic holding a phone to my ear and saying, “Mike, do you think this is a good idea?” Do you get the joke?

Well, the joke is on me.

Whenever we think about trying something new in our lives, making a change or challenging ourselves we DO, in essence, call ourselves. We ask ourselves in our hearts and minds, “Am I up to this? Can I do it?”
The answer you get back, positive or negative, will often set the course for how the experience will go.

Do you hear that ringtone in your head right now? That’s you calling to tell you whether you are or are not up to doing something you’re considering. Pick up the phone.

What’s your answer?

Cocoanut Radios and the Titanic

2011-11-16T05:25:00.000-08:00

If you’re old enough to remember Gilligan’s Island (’64-‘67), the situation comedy about an unlikely group of people stranded on an island, you’ll remember The Professor.

The Professor was the go-to guy for knowledge and technical skills. In fact, in one episode, he made a radio out of a cocoanut.

Now, my question is this: If The Professor was so smart why couldn’t he fix the hole in the boat and get the group off the island?

I’ll bet you know someone like The Professor; they spend most of their time solving problems that don’t really need to be solved while ignoring the most important ones. They’re like the person who spends a ton of money on weight-loss gadgets but wouldn’t walk around the block if you held a gun to their head. They’re the guy rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

The psychological reasons for why we don’t solve the problems right in front of us could fill a textbook…in fact, they do. Everything from lack of simple skills to a fear of success keeps us from getting to work on key issues.

Try this: Don’t worry about what you do or don’t have, what will or won’t happen, or who will or won’t have something to say about what you are doing…just…get…started. There’s magic in right action.

How Lucky Are You?

2011-11-15T04:27:00.000-08:00

In almost all of my programs there’s a moment in which I talk about luck.

I write LUCK on the board or show it in a PowerPoint and then I explain that LUCK is an acronym, L.U.C.K., that means, Laboring Under Correct Knowledge.

Then I spend some time talking about the importance of Correct Knowledge. I’ve NEVER directly addressed the importance of Laboring…until now.

Oh, I talk about the importance of getting things done and can show you lots of ways to do things more efficiently and effectively. But, I’ve recently realized that I’ve been assuming that folks knew the importance of action. And, we all know what happens when we assume things, right?

A lot of my recent reading and research keeps pointing to the fact that action, even if it’s in the wrong direction at first, is more important than we realize.

The key entrepreneurs of today understand that starting the thing has a power of its own. Actionseems to attract forces that help move the thing toward success.

I’m all for the carpenter’s adage, “Measure twice, cut once,” but in a lot of areas of life the best thing to do is get to cuttin’.

I recently wrote about the importance of 5 minutes. What could you do in the next 5 minutes that would get you started on something?

PS…yesterday I spent an hour raking leaves to the curb in front of The Cottage…5 minutes after that the city truck came by and sucked’em up! How lucky is that?

Knowing the Path Is Not the Same As.....

2011-11-14T06:04:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I caught a small bit of the first Matrix movie and was rewarded with one of those, This Happened for a Reason moments.

Morpheus, the Laurence Fishburn character, says to Neo, played by Keanu Reeves, “Knowing the path is different from walking the path.”

Take just a moment and let that sink in as I did.

I run into lots of folks in my small business seminars who, I believe, know the basics of what it takes to start and run a small business. But, they won’t take a first step out the door and start one.

Relationships are the same way, I believe. Folks know that it takes to have a positive relationship, but they won’t do the hard work.

Which, for some reason, brings to mind the thought, “Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?” Seems like a natural connection there.

And, if you’ll indulge me for throwing in a gratuitous skydiving reference: Everybody knows how skydiving works, but getting on the plane, stepping out the door and landing a parachute is…a…VERY…different…thing.

What do you know but won’t do?

PS…at the end of the question above if you had one of those middle school or parental thoughts like, “I know how to slam my hand in a car door, but I wouldn’t do that!” Grow up! This is your life we’re talking about and none of us are gettin’ any younger!

The Long Leaf's Fall

2011-11-11T05:44:00.001-08:00

A few minutes ago I walked out to get my paper. Turning to back into the house I looked up and saw a bright, yellow leaf fall from the top of the beautiful tree in my front yard to the ground.

In the 8-9 seconds it took the leaf to get to the ground I wasn’t thinking about the Penn State mess, the dangerous situations many of our troops are in around the world, the NCAA stupidity at Carolina, my ankles hurting from a skydiving landing, relationship silliness or the fact that I’ve GOT to clean up this house.

Mini-vacations like that can save your sanity.

Hang tuff. It’s fall, it’s Friday, the weekend is around the corner, The Heels are playing The Spartans ON AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER tonight! If that isn’t America on a variety of levels I don’t know what is!

What is a momentary vacation you could take right now?

Have a great weekend and remember to take a quiet moment to thank the veterans for the freedom and safety in which we lead our lives.

See you Monday.

Look Down. What's On Your Shirt?

2011-11-10T04:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday a client paid me a wonderful compliment. He had asked, “How’s business?” And, when I told him that I was pretty well booked for the coming winter and spring he said, “A number of your competitors have been telling me that bookings are down, you obviously don’t have that problem. Can I tell you why I think that is?”

Sure.

He said, “I’ve noticed that you don’t have twenty choices of seminar topics. You have only a few and you’re really, really good at them.”

Thanks.

Being a generalist has its advantages, but in today’s marketplace being a specialist, especially if your skills solve today’s challenges, is the way to go.

The tough thing is that in a tight marketplace there’s a tendency to want to try and jump after any opportunity because it means gaining some…any…business.

If you focus on what you’re good at and methodically seek out people who need that talent, skill, solution you can at least create a state of sufficiency.

(Sufficiency is a useful new word I just learned and it refers to having enough)

What are you good at? In today’s marketplace if you’re good at screwing off, ducking work, schmoozing instead of producing and taking credit for work you didn’t do, then I promise you you’ve got a bullseye on your shirt. You’ll be found out sooner or later. And, in this marketplace, if your managers are even reasonably mature you’ve already been found out and they’re simply looking for a way to drop you.

However, if you have a useable skill and you’re good at it, let people know. Now is the time for problem solvers and workers. If you’re one of those folks who have a star instead of a bullseye on your shirt, which my client believes I have and I know I have, now’s our time.

What solution do you provide? What’s on your shirt?

Pull Off At the Rest Area

2011-11-09T09:21:00.000-08:00

Am on I-95 on my way to present a seminar. Needed to take a short break so I pulled off at a rest area.

Life's kind of like that. Sometimes you simply need to pull off and take a short break.

Most of us can't take sabaticals from our jobs or families but we can find a place, situation or activity that gives us a little respite.

The pull-off could be for a few minutes, days or months.

This isn't so much a vacation as it is a relaxation; we all know that sometimes vacations aren't relaxing.

My rest area is my little house, The Cottage. Lying on the couch watching the leaves fall, listening to some tunes and reading with the fire going is about as restful a situation as I've ever encountered.

What's your rest area?

Stairway to Heaven....and The Big O

2011-11-08T06:32:00.000-08:00

Forty years ago today Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven debuted on the band’s fourth album. Let’s slide right by the fact that the song is about a drug connection and to the fact that, according to experts in a wide range of music, Heaven is the greatest rock and roll song (some say the greatest song) of all time. One reviewer said it was the closest music has ever come to reproducing an orgasm.

Mmmmmm…..I’ll be back in a minute, let’s see if I can find that CD.

OK, I’m back!

For those of you who automatically chose, Happy Birthday to You!, as the greatest song, God Bless you. You can close your books and go wait outside for your parents to come pick you up.

I don’t know if I’m on the greatest song bandwagon—or even the greatest rock and roll song—but I know it can be a wonderful positive message song if you listen with different ears.

Here’s the question: What is your stairway to heaven?

We all have one. Is it a relationship? Money, or the pursuit of money? Sex? Adrenaline rushes? Being right? Spiritual awareness? Going to a specific place? Being with a certain person?

Sometimes we don’t know our stairway to heaven and we have to have the faith that, “the piper will lead us to reason.” So, who or what is your piper? We all have one. What or who is a driving force for you? Is it “the norm,” “the status quo,” and “traditional values?” Or, is it being “different,” “one of a kind,” “an artist?”

Our piper is often based on the image we hold of who we are. And, that leads to how we frame, experience and pursue life.

Better, though, that we choose as our piper the person we hope ourselves to be; the image that is the happiest, most positive, best we can be.

Which leads to my favorite two lines in the song:
“Yes. There are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There’s still time to change the road you’re on.”

Ultimately, as Jimmy Page yells at the beginning of the song, “It’s a song of hope!”

If you don’t have the song handy play it on your computer sometime today for no other reason than as a tribute to the good rock and roll has done in the last 60 years.

Oh yeah, and you might want to play it in private….just in case.

The Ground Comes Up Pretty Fast

2011-11-07T02:33:00.000-08:00

I wish I was a good enough writer to tell you how beautiful the sunset is when you see it while you're hanging from a parachute at about 4,000 feet. It’s incredible.

I also wish I could tell how how to land a parachute…but I can’t…yet.
So, I’m lying here on the couch with my ankle iced realizing that it’ll be a week or two before I can get back in the sky.

Learning to fly and land a parachute appears to be a slow process and, obviously, I’m a slow learner. Remember, my last landing dinged up a part of my body we’ll leave unmentioned. To paraphrase Michael Corleone in the third Godfather movie, “Just as one bodypart was healing another one needs help.”

The folks teaching me to skydive are wonderfully patient and encouraging. My fellow rookies are showing me that I’m not the only one limping away from the first few landings as one guy put it.

And, yes, the question, “Is what I’m going through worth it?” has come up; so far, it is.

Learning to skydive continues to be a wonderful metaphor for a variety of life issues. It isn’t as easy as I’d like for it to be but I have to keep trying until I either get it or it stops being worth trying.

There’s some issue you’re asking the Is it still worth it? question about…and you know the answer in your heart. It may be difficult to face…but…you…know…the…answer.

What’s the issue?

Monty! What's Behind Door Number 2?!!

2011-11-04T06:03:00.000-07:00

What if life was like a Let’s Make a Deal show?

You remember Monty Hall telling us what was behind some of the doors and then asking the contestant, “Which door will you choose, Number 1, Number 2 or Number 3?”

Life’s kinda like that. You broadly know what might be behind some of the choices you could make but let’s be honest, you don’t rrrreeeaaallllyyyy know…now, do you?

I’m running into a time like that. Lack of clarity is creating some anxiety and I’m confused about doors. Serendipitously, I’ve just taught a couple of classes on goal-setting.

Ha! The blind leading the blind!

Also, it just happened—or did it—that my devotions for the first few days of this month have been about clarity, focus and purpose. Hmmmm, when the student is ready the teacher shall appear.

Once we’re clear on our purpose, on where we want to go, the path is often self-evident. Finding or deciding on the purpose is often a struggle, though.

But, if you don’t define your purpose, goal, direction, then you’re just floating. As the Cheshire Cat said to Alice in the Wonderland, “If you don’t care where you’re going it doesn’t much matter which road you take.”

I don’t know if I’m tired of floating, anxious about lack of direction or feel that I’m wasting precious energy walking in circles.

Whatever the reason, it’s gettin’ close to time for me to look at the audience, look at Monty, look up at heaven and point. “Monty, I’ll take door Number……..”

There’s something in life you’re trying to make a choice about. What door will you choose?

Have a great weekend. Keep me in mind, I may be skydiving on Sunday. See you Monday.

Where Are You Putting Your Nose, Lately?

2011-11-03T05:20:00.000-07:00

Not long ago a good friend paid me a wonderful compliment. He said, “I just want to be reading what you’re reading. What book do you have your nose in right now?”

Like a lot of you I do try to read widely and I find that reading beyond my field helps create all kinds of wonderful connections and ideas.
Well, Christmas is right around the corner, so between now and then I’ll offer suggestions for books that could be wonderful stocking stuffers or gifts.

Here’s the first: A History of the World In Six Glasses by Tom Standage. You can get it for $5 or less at Amazon.com. This is a wonderful book for: the beach (lots of what you read will make you want something cool and wet to drink), winter (you’re holed up in the cold anyway, you might as well learn something) or the bathroom (you can read a few pages at the time and still get some great info).

Standage shows that six drinks represent the progress and history of mankind over the last few thousand years. Beer, wine, distilled spirits, coffee, tea and Coca Cola have changed the world.

One section I continue to think about was his comment that the coffee houses of Europe were the Internet of their day. They were places people could go to exchange ideas, find out what’s hot and get folks jazzed up about accomplishing tasks.

This is one of those book gifts that surprise and then delight folks. It’s an, “I’m glad you gave me this,” kind of gift they’ll end up starting on Christmas afternoon.

What book do you have your nose in these days? Zap me at mike@perfectworkday.com and tell me or tell me on Facebook. I’m always looking for a good place to put my nose.

There's No Good In Being a Good Guy

2011-11-02T03:49:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I was informed of a breach of confidence that may harm my business.

I was trying to be a good guy and help someone out and I asked them to keep the gesture between us. They appear to have revealed the gesture and it may backfire on me.

Increasingly, it’s being proved to me in a number of areas of life that trying to be a good guy may not be worth the effort. In fact, the effort may not be seen as a positive gesture at all.

So, what’s the solution? Do I assume that the negative side of life wins out every time and be a jerk and do a preemptive strike?

It’s really tempting. If you take the negative view of life you’re right a lot of the time and when you’re wrong and things work out for the good you’re pleasantly surprised. If you take the positive view you’re wrong a lot of the time and when you’re right you’re not surprised.

It would be nice if most folks were smarter and believed that most of the time we’re operating on the basis of our better angels. It’s just frustrating waiting for them to catch up.

Who are you trying to be today, the good you, or your evil twin?

No Costume? Are You Kiddin'?!

2011-11-01T05:35:00.000-07:00

If you had visitors for Halloween last night who had the best costume?

I had the usual troop of princesses, butterflies and vampires. There were soldiers, dancers, Mario Brothers characters and werewolves. I didn’t see many cowboys but I think that’s more an issue of my age and the TV shows I grew up with.

My most imaginative visitor was a kid who came as a stack of pancakes. Surrounding him were layers of foam about 3” thick and some kind of goo that looked like syrup. I kept him at the door to ask about the costume and gave him a ton of candy.

However, I was surprised at how many kids made no effort whatsoever to come up with a costume. They or their parents had spent $1.99 on a plastic pumpkin bucket and they simply showed up at the door (no “Trick or Treat?!” request either), held out the bucket and expected candy.

I usually gave’em one piece (didn’t want to stiff’em, they might come back and egg my house) and they turned, usually without a comment, and walked away.

At the end of the evening I asked, “Why?” and immediately starting making the usual excuses for them….parents were busy, parents were unimaginative (You don’t need a lot of money to create something, though), kids were unimaginative…or…they were simply lazy and felt entitled.

Here’s a basic point about life…more so today than ever before…if you aren’t willing to give a little extra, to get a little bit out of your comfort zone, you won’t get much more than the basic share.

Now, maybe that’s enough for you, and if it is, God Bless You. But, don’t complain about how little you have. Just sit there with your bowl of gruel, be satisfied and shut up.

If you want something more, though, something better, you’d better step up with a more-than-the-minimum performance in work, relationships, sports, spiritual life…whatever.

So, what’s your plan today? Are you comin’ to the door as a stack of pancakes or showin’ up with just a bucket?

Is a Burning Bag of Poop on the Porch a Trick or a Treat?

2011-10-31T06:04:00.000-07:00

Get this, there’s a new phone app that allows parents to track their kids on Halloween night. If the app had been in existence a little over 40 years ago my parents would have figured out that I was the one who put the burning bag of poop on the Roberts’ front porch.

Fun Facts to Know and Learn---Halloween has a variety of historical links: Pomona, the Roman goddess of fruits and seeds; the festival of the dead called Parentalia; and, the more accepted, the end-of-summer Celtic festival of Samhain (pronounced sow-an or sow-in). There was a sense that this was the time of year when the physical and supernatural worlds were closest and magical things could happen. To ward off these spirits, the Irish built huge bonfires and invoked the help of the gods through animal and perhaps even human sacrifice.

Halloween is also thought to have been heavily influenced by the Christian holy days of All Saints' Day (also known as Hallowmas, All Hallows, Hallowtide) and All Souls' Day. Falling on November 1st and 2nd respectively, collectively they were a time for honoring the Saints and praying for the recently departed who had yet to reach heaven.

(please note that I’m not that smart so the historical notes came from Wikipedia)

So, how’d the whole costumes on kids and trick-or-treating thing start? There were so many tricks being done on Halloween ( a favorite was pushing outhouses over when people were in them…I LOVE that!) in the early 20th Century that towns started having fall and Halloween festivals for families to keep the hooligans busy.

Now, to my point: Halloween can be a time to dress up and be someone or something else…to fake it. Truthfully, fake it 'til you make it can be an extraordinary strategy for success, especially in times of change. In a tight situation you ask yourself, “If I was Bill Gates or a smart executive or Seal Team Six or a patient parent or a Werewolf or a loving spouse or a writer or a sexy French maid who…..(ok, you get the idea). How would I act?”

And then act the part.

You’ll be surprised how soon you’ll develop the confidence you need to act in that manner on a consistent basis.

Halloween can be a great time to be something else, something better. Every day can be that, too.

Trick or Treat?

Viagra, The Wisdom Drug?

2011-10-28T04:24:00.000-07:00

There’s a Viagra commercial running now that touts this as being “The age of knowing what to do,” for men of a certain age who might need a boost in at least one area of life.

What if Viagra did make us smarter? If only finding answers to difficult questions was as easy as taking a pill.

We all find answers in different ways. Sometimes we feel the answer in our gut, head, heart or hands. Other times we simply have to choose and hope.

Maybe it’s as easy as taking a nap. In the new issue of Scientific American Mind an article is headlined, Answers In Your Dreams. The article says that while we sleep, “we continue focusing on all the same issues that concern us while we are awake.” It advises us to pose a question to our minds before we go to sleep and let our subconscious work on it.

YAAAAWWWWNNNN!!! I feel the need for a nap, don’t you?

Or, we could just pop a purple pill. NOT THAT I NEED VIAGRA, YOU UNDERSTAND! I’M JUST SAYIN'!!

Have a great weekend. See you Monday.

PS….I’ve always preferred powdered rhino horn to Viagra…I’m just sayin’.

Ouch!! If You Stick Me With That Needle Again I'll........

2011-10-27T06:39:00.001-07:00

I have a friend who’ll stick a needle in you in a skinny minute.
She directs a lab for a medical practice and she’s really good at drawing blood…I mean really good. She can do it so fast and so easily that you hardly feel a thing. She takes great pride in handling patients other lab techs can’t or won’t work with.

Another friend could sell Obama’s healthcare plan to the Republicans. He is unbelievably positive and motivated and he’s been extraordinarily successful in sales.

One of my great friends is a DJ and he does tons of weddings and celebrations. It isn’t his fulltime job, but his ability to play just the right song at the right moment and his line of patter helps make great moments even better and more memorable for hundreds of people every year.

I think I’m reasonably good at public speaking and writing. I’m not General Patton at the podium or Hemingway at the keyboard, but I believe I can put together a coherent message in educational, entertaining and informative ways (that’s paraphrasing Mark Twain, by the way).

We’re all good at something. It may not make money but it’s a talent or skill that gives us pride and in which we can find a sense of joy.

If you aren’t using your gift you should look for it (it’s that thing people tell you you’re good at or, when you do it, you feel like you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing), find it, and use it.

It’ a…gift; a present. So, use it in…the….present. Now.

What’s your gift?
Are you using it?

If You're Waiting On Willpower, You're Crazy

2011-10-26T03:11:00.000-07:00

So many folks rely on willpower to get them through difficult situations. Whether it’s losing weight, slowing down on drinking, easing away from a relationship or changing their behavior at work they think, “I can tough it out.”

Unfortunately, willpower is not one of the stronger resources on which you can rely. Everyone who’s ever tried to lose weight know how easily willpower slips away when we’re tired or stressed or Mama says, “A second little helping of pie never hurt anyone."

However, add some knowledge and skill to the mix and you can equal exceed your power of will. The multiple authors of Change Anything point out that there are six categories of knowledge and skill, in addition to will, that can help you, as the book says, change anything.

I won’t go into all of them now, maybe on another day, but here are three that can help:
- Make good things closer and more convenient and bad things harder and farther away.
- Change the cues that prompt you to exhibit behavior you’d like to change
- Decide who in your life is an accomplice (they enable negative behavior) and who are friends (coaches and fans).

Those simple tips can help you change anything in life and you aren’t relying on willpower to resist what can be very difficult challenges.

What do you want to change?

Get the Depends and Geritol!

2011-10-25T06:57:00.000-07:00

Is "Teenage Genius" an oxymoron?

New research into educational advances show that today’s average teenager would have been judged a genius in 1900. The research was part of broader studies proving that, believe it or not, we live in a smarter, safer, less violent world than in past centuries.

Ok, Ok, I hear all you cynics with the smarty-pants comments. But, you’re not going to hear that from me…at least not today. I’m convinced that positive thoughts can lead to positive actions which lead to a more positive, better world. So, all this is a good thing.

Really, though, a genius?!

I’ve seen pictures from 1900 and young guys wore their pants around their waists, 9-year olds didn’t dress like Lady Gaga, no one had cellphones attached to their hands, and no one said, “Whatever,” every other sentence.

Wait, did I sound like a cynical, old sluggo just then?

Damn. Get the Depends and the Geritol.

Do I Smell Like Gravy?

2011-10-24T05:36:00.000-07:00

My wonderful neighbor make a Rice Pak for me to use on my back injury (dinged it skydiving).

It’s like a hand towel that has been sewn into compartments and you put rice in them. Put the Rice Pak in the microwave for 3 minutes and it comes out radiating moist heat. It’s great!

There's been two wonderful side effects to my Rice Pak. The fragrance of the rice and an extraordinary realization.

I’ve talked here before about my love of gravy. I’ll put it on anything! Gravy is an enchancer. Spaghetti sauce is gravy for noodles. Salad dressing is gravy for lettuce. Make-up is actually gravy for womens’ faces. Gravy is…well…you get it.

So, in addition to the wonderfully relaxing feeling I get from using the Rice Pak I’ve been jolted into the realization, “This is what gravy feels like when it’s spread on rice!”

No wonder I like gravy.

Spread some positive vibes like gravy over your office stress….well…uh…ok…maybe that’s reaching on the gravy metaphor a little.

Have a great Monday.

Football, Faith and Fantasy

2011-10-23T07:07:00.000-07:00

As the scandal in Chapel Hill involving the athletic department and the football program drags on many reports suggest that the university will need to win back supporters it has lost.

I am one of the lost. For the record: I’m an alum (Class of ‘74). I am an adjunct faculty member of The Gillings School of Global Public Health at UNC-Chapel Hill. I could also be classified as a supporter and longtime fan for 40+ years. I’m a member of the Educational Foundation (The Ram’s Club); on the day of my first marriage, September 19, 1981, my bride and I strolled through Kenan Stadium wearing tux and wedding gown (a victory over Ohio University); the final weekend of my second honeymoon was spent attending the Carolina/Clemson football game in 1996; a few years ago I was featured as the Carolina fan in a spread in the News and Observer about ACC fans; I have a very large Ram’s Head Tattoo on my left shoulder; and I served eight years as the president of my fraternity alumni association at UNC-Chapel Hill.

While the media has done a great job of chronicling every little detail in the series of events creating the situation few have noted the process fans, alumni and supporters have gone through in order to be lost.

In his books, Transitions and The Way of Transition, author William Bridges explains the process people move through when significant change happens in their lives. The process can certainly be applied to what has happened in Chapel Hill since Summer, 2010 when the athletic department revelations began to surface.

To say things have changed for many Carolina supporters would be a gross understatement. But, the changes aren’t the issues, it’s the transitions that create stress and problems. Changes—the revelations about various ethical and legal transgressions, Head Coach Butch Davis’ firing, Athletic Director Dick Badour’s resignation—are all external. Transitions are internal. Transitions are what people go through in their minds and hearts when some part of their lives end. Being lost is part of a transition.

A transition begins with an Ending (Bridges’ term) that redefines reality. In many cases the ending is the end of a fantasy. The ending for thousands of Carolina fans, alumni and supporters has been in how they see Carolina in their lives and, in some cases, how they see themselves. Unfortunately, many of us are realizing that what we believed was a fantasy.

Bridges notes six Dis’s we move through in times of transition. All six, and one more, are starkly evident for many Carolina fans.

Disorientation: When stories appeared about possible misconduct among athletes and coaches first appeared many folks thought, “What the heck is going on?” As the revelations became allegations, the NCAA stepped in, lawyers are being quoted and university officials are bobbing and weaving the questions changed to, “What the hell is going on in Chapel Hill?!”

Disenchantment: “This is not the Carolina I know,” was the comment I heard from a fellow-alum. That thought was the mantra of disenchantment and the end of the fantasy for many of us. The raw feeling of disenchantment is disappointment. We had always thought we, Carolina, were above the sort of thing we thought about when hearing about USC, Oklahoma, SMU, Miami and the other universities that have permanent files at NCAA headquarters. I’ve seen the process of transition, and the loss of the fantasy, played out with friends who have been members of the military, executives with well-known corporations, professionals in a range of specialties and who have had their spiritual faith shaken.

Disrespect: This is my addition to Bridges’ six Dis’s. The disappointment of disenchantment has led to disrespect. Athletes we admired showed they were not worthy of our admiration. Officials we trusted were not overseeing an agency funded by our tax dollars and contributions, and supported by our faith.

Disidentification: Why would you want to be identified with something you disrespect and in which you are disenchanted? Like many Carolina fans and supporters I was heavily invested in the fantasy that we were special. Our file, if there was one, was never in the same drawer at NCAA headquarters with those other scoundrels. Now, we’re one of the scoundrels. This may be the most damaging area of transition. When one very important life area is questioned, an issue that has been part of the foundation of who you are, it’s a quick jump to start looking around at other areas and wondering how solid they are.

Disengagement: Empty seats in Kenan Stadium, fewer dollars contributed. This is the first fall in over 40 years that I haven’t cared whether or not I was in Kenan Stadium on a gorgeous, Carolina Blue sky, fall afternoon. And I while I understand that much of the Carolina Nation is simply saying, “Let’s just get to basketball season and everything will be alright,” I’m ambivalent. We’ll have a great season, go to the NCAAs and maybe win it all. I hope we do. But, while no allegations have been leveled against the basketball program, it’s all part of Carolina and there’s some luster that just isn’t there.

Disloyalty: Some Carolina fans see the simple act of questioning what is going on in Chapel Hill as disloyalty. Obviously, it isn’t. Most of us have not lost the love we have for Carolina but the fantasy is over, the curtain has been pulled back and the Great Oz of the commercialization of college sports and its effects are clearly in the open now… and we don’t like having our dreams taken from us. The feelings are not disloyalty, they are part of the grief process due to the loss of the fantasy. It is less an issue of the university having to win back lost supporters; it is very much an issue that, as supporters, we have lost part of the fantasy, part of ourselves, of what Carolina was about in our lives.

Discovery: The most difficult time of transition is, according to Bridges, the Neutral Zone. Moving through the disorientation, disenchantment, disidentification, disengagement and possible disloyalty cause anger, anxiety, denial; all the stages of grief. However, sooner or later the transition ends and we arrive at a New Beginning (Bridges’ term). Thousands of Carolina fans are still sitting in Kenan Stadium at football games while others have discovered new ways to use their Saturday afternoons and tens of thousands will be glued to televised games when basketball season starts in a few weeks. However, the greatest discovery many people are making is something most of us have known all along. Watching an athlete perform while wearing Carolina Blue is a very small part of what Carolina is really all about.

A key to moving through transitions is looking for what is not, or has not, changed. What hasn’t changed is that The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill is about helping young people create lives they could not have imagined when they arrived in Chapel Hill. It’s about smart people doing smart things that improve the lives of Tar Heels, Americans and people around the world.

The final step of a transition, the New Beginning, is simply the Ending of the previous reality. Let’s hope this New Beginning helps us understand what is truly important about Carolina and what is an attractive and entertaining sideshow.

Moammar Gadhafi and the Pompitous of Love

2011-10-21T04:54:00.000-07:00

If you’re a shrink—professional or amateur—you’ll have a field day with this one…

This morning, when I opened the newspaper to see that Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi (the crazy guy with dyed-black hair that looked like Larry’s in the Three Stooges) had been murdered by rebels I immediately thought of the Steve Miller song, “The Joker.”

In the first verse he sings about “the pompitous of love.” Pompitous is a neologism, a made-up word, and only God knows what Miller meant by it other than a reference to one of his other songs.

My connection, though, was that with Ghadhafi, life and love sometimes we don’t know when to let go. We want to hang on for a whole range of reasons, some that make sense and some that don’t, and we often hang on too long. In America we have the mythology that giving it one more shot will win.

In The Personal MBA, author Josh Kaufman talks about sunk costs in business. We spend so much trying to make a go of a venture, but at some point we come to the realization that it just won’t work. Unfortunately, we often double down to try and win our losses back. It never works. Sunk costs are what we’ve sunk into the venture and we might as well chalk them up to experience and move on.

It’s really, really hard to do that though.

But, you know what? Wherever on the spiritual plane Moammar is right now I bet he’s wishing he was sitting in exile in some mansion in the south of France thinking, “Those bastards never really appreciated me.” We all think that about the sunk costs.

Have a great weekend! Enjoy the beginning of fall. See you Monday.

Head Down and Moving Out

2011-10-20T03:32:00.000-07:00

I’m presenting 3, 3-hour seminars in 3 separate towns today.

This is a rarity, 9 hours of teaching in one day; it’s just the way the schedule turned out.

All 3 seminars are fun and easy to teach and I have good groups waiting. This is one of those days in which I have to just put my head down, keep moving, keep talking, and by 9 pm tonight I’ll be done and headed home.

Some days are like that for a lot of us, just keep moving and get it done.

But, all of us don’t have days like this. Tens of thousands of Americans are waking up to another day in which they don’t have a job, they don’t have the privilege and pleasure and hope of making a living.

So, I’m lucky and even you don’t particularly like what you do, if you’re getting ready to go to work or at work right now, realize how fortunate you are.

The Mensa Candidate at the McDonald's Counter

2011-10-19T05:31:00.000-07:00

A group of waitpeople in San Francisco is pushing for minimum tips of 25% and want restauranteurs to automatically include the amount on restaurant and bar bills. Some of their group want the tips deal to apply to fast food workers like the Mensa candidate at the counter who attempts to take your order.

Most of their logic is based on a slower economy and the need for more income. No argument there.

Is it just me, though, who believes that a tip is supposed to be for service above and beyond just taking your order, bringing it to you and checking on you once or twice. Isn’t that what they get paid for, anyway.

I’ve worked as a waiter and I’ve run a restaurant so I get the fact that service people are only paid minimum wage. And I’ve experienced situations where I gave someone extraordinary service and they stiffed me. The worst table you want is a group of well-dressed, middle-aged women, believe me. But, that’s the ups and downs of the occupation.

If you automatically spot someone 25% they start believing it’s part of their salary, that they’re entitled to it. Then, if you try to adjust it at a later date, unless the adjustment is upward, they’ll scream that things were always this way and that you’re messing with their entitlement. A staggering percentage of the American population thinks that way today and our country is the worse for it.

If you get good service, recognize it. When that happens the server is more likely to give good service the next time, hoping to get rewarded again. The cumulative effect is a better server, more satisfied customers, a more successful business, and more customers which means the server gets more opportunities.

This doesn’t just work with food and drinks. Try it in your work setting. Catch someone doing something right and praise them. Do it every day. You’ll get a better workplace.

Who do you need to catch doing something right right now?

I HEARD THAT!!!! You were thinking, “Mike, no one around here does a damn thing right!”

Gotcha. Catch the least-worst person doing something right. Try it. Right now.

You Shut Up! No, You Shut Up! No! You......

2011-10-18T02:09:00.000-07:00

Are you really listening? Or, are you thinking about what you're going to say when they finally shut up?

Sometimes we have to shut up ourselves and just get it.

Shave a Cat and Make a Finger Puppet

2011-10-17T05:16:00.000-07:00

Kaori Tsutaya, a catlover from Japan, has written Crafting With Cat Hair: Cute Handicrafts to Make With Your Cat. The book is about using the hair cat owners find all over their pants, coats, couches and beds to make finger puppets, book covers, tote bags, pin cushions and other crafts. She points out the best months for hairballs (April and May) and that you shouldn’t shave your cat to get the hair.

Actually, the whole “shave your cat” part creates my favorite visual image.

I’m starting off the week with this priceless information for a reason.

If Ms. Tsutaya can fantasize a shave-your-cat hobby that can eventually be turned into a Burberry rain coat no idea you have is too outrageous to be considered.

Hey, I’m jumping out of airplanes at 60-years old. If I can do that your dreams are possible, too.

What dream have you bounced around for years? What practical step can you take this week that would at least give you a feel for making it real?

You’re sitting at a computer right now, take a moment and Google something that has to do with your desire or idea. That’s a practical step.

Shave your cat…I just love that.

Woke Up and Got Up

2011-10-14T03:20:00.000-07:00

On a summer evening in what now seems like another life my stepson, Joseph, was asked, “What did you do today?” Joseph was 17 at the time and enjoying the summer. He thought a moment and said, “Woke up and got up.” As far as he was concerned, that was a successful day.

I was reminded of that moment recently when I again read the Woody Allen quote, “Ninety percent of success is showing up.”

In his new book, Up, Down, Or Sideways, author Mark Sanborn asks, “What are the three or four things you are doing every day to insure your continued success?”

I can tell you right now that with all due respect to a 17-year old Joseph and Woody Allen, if the only things you are doing each day are waking up, getting up and showing up there will come a day when they haven’t been enough.

Last week a Greenville, NC, man bought at a lottery ticket at a convenience store near his home and won half of the $114 million mega prize.

Unfortunately, life is rarely like that. You don’t usually do one thing and have it pay off bigtime. Success in life is usually based on the cumulative value of lots of little and big efforts.

So, what are the 3-4 things you do most days that lead to the success in work, health, relationships, spirit, knowledge and fun you hope to enjoy?

Have a big weekend. See you Monday.

How About Now?

2011-10-13T05:34:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those moments when life, God, inspiration, conspiracy theorists, Big Bird or whoever you think really runs things was sending you a message?

I got one this morning.

An article in the paper screamed at me….READ THIS AND PAY ATTENTION TO IT!!!

It was a piece about the most famous rabbi in history, Rabbi Hillel. In the first century his teachings revolved around a few basic questions. The one that exploded out of the paper for me was, “If not now, when?”

In one way or another we’re all waitin’ on something; some question to be answered.

If not now, when?

If it really isn’t now and you can tell me when I get to decide if I want to wait until then or I can prepare for that time.

It’s the not knowing that saps our strength and conviction. It’s the confusion that dilutes our motivation. It’s the questioning that steals our courage.

What’s your question? And, if not now, when?

The One Thing Is the One Thing

2011-10-12T07:04:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I presented a customer service program at a community college. The group was fun and smart with a wide range of occupations.

At the start of the program I simply asked, “What’s the most important thing in customer service?”

After a wide-ranging discussion the key issue came down to ….. Be Nice.

If you’ll Be Nice folks will show a lot of forgiveness, understanding and patience.

Be Nice.

What about in your personal relationships, not just work?

Be Nice.

What about to strangers, even when they are buttheads?

Be Nice.

Sounds too simple to work doesn’t it?

Be Nice.

Have you been nice to folks today?

Here’s a thought that is so sick it borders on hilarious….If you are nice to folks and they act really surprised what does that say about how you’ve been treating them?

Be Nice.

Quitters Never Win, And....

2011-10-11T05:35:00.000-07:00

In 1972, at the end of my sophomore year in college, I sat in our kitchen at home with my parents and announced that I wanted to step away from college for a year. I had joined a fraternity and was having more fun than the law ought to allow, I was not going to class very regularly (they just seemed to be so time consuming), and I realized that wasting my parents’ hard-earned money was not a good thing on a wide variety of levels. It was a fully thought-out, mature decision.

My mother wouldn’t hear of it. She said, “Quitters never win, and winners never quit,” and that, as they say, was that. I returned to Chapel Hill in the fall.

My reaction to the situation was an immature one, though. I thought, “If they don’t respect me enough to take my decision into consideration I’ll just have a large time.” I did exactly that for the next two years, didn’t graduate on schedule, stopped out of college for 4 years and came back and graduated in '79.

That kitchen conversation was 40 years ago and I still think my original decision was correct and would have led to a more mature outlook on life.

I have a wonderful quote on the bulletin board in my kitchen, “By all means consider your feelings, but be guided by your judgment.”

Most of the time we truly do know what’s best for us. Having the courage to fight through our impulses, fears, unrealistic dreams and what other people (even those who love us) think can be so difficult that, at times, we’re paralyzed when trying to make a decision…and the bigger the decision the more powerful the paralysis.

There’s a decision floating out there that you have to make, isn’t there? What do you know is the right thing to do?

Sittin' On Ice

2011-10-10T05:44:00.000-07:00

My first solo skydive was a success!

Am a little dinged up from my amateurish landing (will be sitting on an ice pack for a few days) but I walked away laughing that the only way I could have been farther away from the landing area would have been to have landed in another zip code.

But, if you can walk away from a parachute landing…and laugh…that’s a good thing.

As I’ve noted before, I’m learning all kinds of life lessons as I jump into this new “hobby.” One of my great instructors, Randy Hamberlin, a former paratrooper and Vietnam Veteran, offered the best lesson yesterday. (Randy asks all kinds of questions that I don’t have a clue how to answer and never once has he made me feel like a dope.)

Hamberlin asked, “What do you think we’re teaching you?”

I figured it was a trick question and “skydiving” was not the answer, so I said what I thought and, for once, got it right… “how to be safe doing this.”

Hamberlin’s expression never changed. He said, “Yep. We’ll teach you a little bit about how to skydive. But, what we’re more interested in you knowing is how to get up and down safely.”

Is there an activity in life…your work, for instance…that you think you’re doing for one reason but, in fact, you’re doing for another? You may think you’re there to make a living, but you’re really there for the sense of security? If so, where’s the feeling of security coming from? If you have a relationship or family, what’s the primary purpose in your life?

Not many people want to ask those types of questions, especially after they may have invested decades in a life based on what other people expected of them. The key is to get more of what your real motivation is and less of the other silliness.

Last weekend Hamlin mentioned a Duke University professor who studied extreme sports participants and why they got involved. (My definition of an extreme sport is something that can get you killed. Skateboarding is not an extreme sport.) The professor said, “Some people live life holding onto ropes and they get to a point at which they have to let go.”

Not everyone needs to let go. But, if you’ve got that dangling feeling it might be time to look for another rope.

Gotta go, time to change the ice pack.

Why Depend on the Suits in NY and LA?

2011-10-07T03:41:00.000-07:00

I’m getting more sleep, feeling better and getting more done.

The way I’m doing it may not be a secret to some but too few are using this strategy...I'm recording more programs.

Here’s the deal: I’m doing a better job of watching the few TV shows and sports events I like when I want to watch them and not necessarily when they’re scheduled.

If you don’t know how to record programs, learn. The few minutes it takes to master the simple skill pays off in hours of sleep and time you can use to get more important things done.

If you have a great Internet connection maybe you can watch some of them on the Web.

Life’s too short to wait for a TV program to come on. Record it and watch it when YOU want to, not when some suit in NY or LA wants you to.

Have a big weekend! I’ll be getting to bed early Saturday night so I can skydive on Sunday so I’ll be recording the Texas/Oklahoma game and watching it later.

See you Monday.

What Can I Do?

2011-10-06T06:18:00.001-07:00

Two of my friends are facing serious health issues. One guy just received a Parkinson’s diagnosis, the other friend is bipolar.

We often don’t know what to say in times like these. “I’m sorry” seems too little and an overreaction comes across as pity or, worse, condescension.

In both cases I simply asked, “What can I do?”

We almost always know what we need and too often other people don’t have a clue.

With both friends, at least for now, what they needed were two things: for me to listen, and distraction from the current situation.

So, I listened and told them jokes and tales about my skydiving adventures.

Before long both were laughing and I could see their stress levels, at least for the moment, dropping.

What you have to realize is that, as much as you’d like, you can’t cure or fix other people. They know it and you know it. What you can do is take them to a place where, again, at least for a moment, life is close to what it was before they entered their new reality.

Everyone has someone who needs a call and a, “What can I do?”

Pick up the phone or send a text. Do it right now.

Hearing Their Heads Rattle

2011-10-05T06:08:00.001-07:00

This morning, the wonderful cartoon, Pickles, showed a grandmother talking with her young grandson.

She said, “Nelson, it’s just silly for a boy of your age to want to grow a mustache. And it’s even sillier to think that putting bacon grease on your lip will make it grow.”

The grandson says, “Grampa said it would work.”

Grandmother, “Grampa said, huh? What do I keep telling you about Grampa?”

Grandson, “He talks just to hear his head rattle.”

That’s not a bad bit of advice to consider when encountering a lot of the people we come in contact with.

I’m all for the, “We’re all God’s children and there’s something special about each one of us,” philosophy. But, let’s be honest. It can take waaaaaaayyyyyy too long and too much effort to discover what that little gem of specialness might be in them.

Maybe them hearing their head rattle is the best thing that will happen to them all day long. So, God Bless’em. Smile and move on your way.

Of course, if you’re hearing rattling in your head…well,…I’m just sayin’.

Blue Hairs on the Boulevard

2011-10-04T08:42:00.001-07:00

An older couple just walked by on the sidewalk in front of The Cottage. They were holding hands, cruising along at a steady speed, and just as they passed by my front yard they entered a sunlit area. Wonderful scene.

The cynical side of me thought they looked like an ad for a retirement community or a preneed company.

The other side of me was so envious that I wanted to chase them down and ask, “How’d you do it? How did you weather all the craziness and stresses and conflicts all the…

LET ME STOP HERE…THE COUPLE CAME BACK BY AND I RAN OUT TO GREET THEM AND ASK MY QUESTIONS!

I got an answer I didn’t expect. The folks are in their mid-70s. They’ve been married for only five years. They knew each other as couples for years and when their spouses died they found each other and created a new, different kind of relationship. He’s recently had a stroke and she’s easing him back to health.

Walking back in The Cottage my thought was, “It’s all a journey. You just never know where the journey will take you.”

Where’s your journey taking you?

Hate to Admit It, But I'm a Hater

2011-10-03T05:34:00.000-07:00

I know it’s immature to be, but mature to admit being, a hater.

I’m not a hater about everything and everyone. I don’t hate people simply due to their race. I’m not a misogynist or a xenophobe (if you’re a Duke fan, those words mean hating someone just because they’re a woman or because they're from another country).

Wait a minute, that last comment showed that I’m a hater towards Duke and Duke fans…well, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. But, I digress….

I questioned going to my high school reunion because I knew there’d be some folks there who were bullies in jr. high school and I still hold grudges against those bastards.

Mostly, my hates are directed towards slights and perceived insults…and that silliness is slowing me down. I need to work on letting it go.

This morning I may have found an answer. Every Monday I receive a wonderful email from the folks at philosophyworks.com about practical knowledge. Today, this was the lesson:

Forget the Past

A wise man once sat in the audience and cracked a joke.

All laughed like crazy.

After a moment he cracked the same joke again and fewer people laughed this time.

He cracked the same joke again. This time there was no laughter in the crowd.

He smiled and said, "When you cannot laugh on the same joke again and again, then why do you keep crying over the same thing over and over again"?

Forget the past and move on!

Author Unkown

What do you need to let go of?

Let Me Jump On the Bandwagon About Moneyball

2011-09-30T05:39:00.000-07:00

If you have not seen the movie, Moneyball, with Brad Pitt now is the time to go. It's still getting lots of press but the initial flood of viewers has died down so you shouldn't end up a in theatre crowded with people.

I saw it last night and loved it. It's a great story of people thinking outside the box in order to solve a problem.

Also, it's a great example of smart people managing their way through a variety of people issues.

What challenge are you running into that you need to approach from a new direction (and it may be a direction NO ONE in your organization, family or group thinks will work!)?

Have a great weekend. I'll see you Monday.

PS. Keep good thoughts for me about 9 am on Saturday; my first solo skydive.

No, Don't Tell'em THAT!!

2011-09-29T08:41:00.001-07:00

Am in Raeford, NC, doing a program for a leadership group.

In the introductions I had folks interview a co-attendee and introduce them. During the interview I had them ask, "What is something that folks might noT know about you that, if they knew, it would enrich their exprience of being around you."

My answer was that I wish people knew that I want to matter in their lives. I want them to take something away from their encounter with me that will make their lives better.

What is it about you, that if folks knew it, would enrich their exprience of being with you?

I’M NOT FAT, I’M JUST HUSKY!!

2011-09-28T05:03:00.000-07:00

When I was little boy I was a pretty chunky kid…hell, I’m a pretty chunky adult now, but I’ll get to that.

I hated it when my mother took me shopping for school clothes and we had to buy the “Husky” size.

Recently, my doc suggested that I take a series of tests just to make sure I’m as healthy as we both believe I am.

The whole thing was pretty easy. They checked the health of my arteries, checked for abdominal aneurisms, heart disease and Lord knows what else.

For all I know they checked to see if I still had lead in my pencil. Which, come to think of it, would be a worthless test because right now I don’t have anyone to write to.

I aced four out of five of the tests. The only concern was my height/weight ratio, my Body Mass Index (BMI).

I’m not going to tell you what the number was, but I believe my category was…Hippo.

The explanation said that my weight was fine but I needed to be 6’3”.

WHAT THE HELL DO THEY KNOW. I ‘M THE ONE WHO SEES ME IN THE MIRROR EVERY DAY SO…oh, yeah….ok…. Shut up, Mike.

It hit me that if I’m going to get into this skydiving thing I probably can put less stress on myself by starting to get a little more serious about weight loss.

I’ve lifted weights for over 45 years and am in the gym about 3 times a week, but what I’m doing ain’t good for paring off flab. As Arnold said 30 years ago, “You can’t flex fat.” And I’ve been deluding myself for decades that husky is a good thing.

Time to get a little more serious about this and I need your help.

I’m going to put it out to you. I’M GOING TO LOSE 20 POUNDS BY JAN 1. That’s only a little over 6 pounds per month. A healthy way to do it.

So, if you see me, talk to me on the phone, email me, or see me on FaceBook I want you to ask, “How’s the weight loss thing goin’?”

What have you been fooling yourself about for years (it doesn’t have to be weight) and what do you need to face up to?

The New Five Second Rule

2011-09-27T05:55:00.000-07:00

We all know about the five second rule: If you drop food on the floor and can grab it within five seconds it’s ok to eat.

Well, maybe not on MY floor, but you get the idea.

Mel Robbins, talk-show host and advice columnist, has another five second rule. She says, “Whenever you have a game-changer impulse, act on it within five seconds or it dies.”

That’s how I got into raking leaves on Sunday. I’d been thinking about cleaning out the leaves under my bushes for months. On Sunday I looked at them and thought, “Let’s do it.” Then I hopped up and did it. (If you read yesterday’s blog you know that I also immediately grabbed a beer and sat back down after doing it.)

Five seconds.

Think about it…five seconds could put you on the road to being more efficient, effective, thinner, smarter, more well-liked...more likely to make your dreams come true.

This is a game-changing idea because it initiates action and starts the momentum flowing.

What have you been meaning to get done that you could hop up right now and invest five seconds in?

Go!!!

Wet Leaves and a VERY Large Beer

2011-09-26T06:14:00.000-07:00

I have a large pile of wet leaves in my back yard.

For the last couple of months I’ve been looking at an area of my yard around some bushes that needs raking. So, yesterday, in between sitting on the deck listening to the Panthers game, smoking a great cigar, drinking a VERY large beer, reading the newspaper and magazines and fantasizing about…mmm…well…ok, moving on…, I thought, “Today’s the day we do something about those leaves.”

We, you understand, is me, so at a slow point in the game and before getting another VERY large beer we grabbed a rake and cleaned out the problem patch.

And left the pile of wet leaves in the middle of the yard.

I have some friends and neighbors who would have gained momentum by the initial outburst of energy and would have gone ahead and raked the rest of the yard, or at least would have raked the pile over with the rest of the leaves.

Not me.

I’m all about diminishing. You can eat an elephant one bite at a time (and believe me, if "elephant" is a metaphor for "buffets," I’ve tried). So, my short-term effort has diminished the leaf raking job by a little bit. And my logic was that if I let the leaves dry they wouldn’t weigh so much and be so hard to rake later.

One step at a time.

I cleaned out and straightened up my office on Friday night (don’t ask how sad that is) during the commercials of a NCIS festival.

Don’t worry about finishing the task. Just do one little thing and walk away.

What job could you take a bite out of right now?

We'll Be Comin' Down the Mountain

2011-09-23T10:09:00.000-07:00

Was in Boone, NC, this morning to present to FirstpointResources...great group...smart, got the jokes, got the message.

Due to the altitude Boone is a little bit ahead of everyone else on the first day of fall. Some trees are turning and a few leaves are starting to fall.

Summer's over...time to put away the lotion and big towels and beach recliners. This past summer has been a wonderfully and stressfully eventful one; learned some lessons, took some licks, had some fun.

Fall's here. Time to start pulling out the sweaters and the quilts and opening windows to sleep in the cool.

Lots of folks drag their past seasons with them. But, the past is just the trail you left behind. Take the opportunity to see a new season and a new, fresh start.

However, don't forget to take a moment and "debrief" the last few months. What did you learn? What would you want to do again; what wouldn't you want to do again on a bet?

Have a great weekend. See you Monday.

That's Not Dog Poop, Is It?

2011-09-21T05:54:00.000-07:00

My neighbors were kind enough to aerate my lawn last Saturday.

You know how when you aerate your lawn it pulls little plugs of soil out? I know so little about that stuff that when I went out to get the paper on Sunday morning I thought dogs had pooped ALL OVER my front yard.

Anyway, I bought some seed and fertilizer and a little hand spreader (a cool tool, looks like a Star Wars gun) to try and get some more grass growing. When I was buying my stuff at Home Depot the guy said, "Be sure and put the fertilizer out first, then the grass seed."

After I got home one of my neighbors filled me in on the fact that water activates the fertilizer and grass seed.

So, what I learned is that the order in which you put the stuff out does matter and there are simple things that get the process moving.

I can hear your right now, "Well, Mr. Yard Wizard, everyone knows that!"

No, we don't. We know that the order in which we put our clothes on matters (try putting your underwear on over your shirt and pants...it's a conversation starter) and we know that putting the key in the ignition starts the car.

But, we often don't understand that those simple rules--order and activation--apply to lots of other processes.

How'd I know? I didn't assume that I knew. I acted dumb (I heard that!) and I asked questions.

What do you want to learn? And what questions do you need to ask?

Sitting In the Passenger Seat and Reaching Over to Grab the Wheel

2011-09-20T06:15:00.000-07:00

In the hilarious Monty Python movie, The Life of Brian, a group is standing so far away from Jesus at the Sermon on the Mount that they think they hear him say, “And the Greek shall inherit the earth.” One guy looks at another and says, “Which one?”

Of course, the word they missed was meek.

The trouble is that the vast majority of us have been missing on the word meek all our lives.

If you ask most folks to define meek they’ll say, “weak, wimpy, unwilling to stand up for yourself.”

But, that’s not what meek means at all. The Greek word used to record what Jesus taught meant, “strength under control.” The meaning in the spoken Aramaic meant, “teachable.”

A good way to think about meek is as an acknowledgment that we don’t know everything. Being meek means we’re willing to learn and we will have faith that things will come out the way we want.

For a lot of us who attempt to control life (imagine a giant arrow pointing from the sky at my head), being meek is a challenge because it is a deliberate restraint on a powerful ego (a quote from Science of Mind magazine).

When it comes to some of the challenges in your life are you willing to be meek?

Or, on those occasions when you’re sitting in the passenger seat of life, are you reaching over to grab the wheel when you see a bump coming?

Can't Wave Bye-Bye

2011-09-19T05:51:00.000-07:00

Went to a family get-together yesterday and spent about two hours playing the cornhole game you see people playing at tailgates and in back yard parties.

This morning I couldn’t raise my right arm above my waist. I don’t know if that’s a sign of getting old or simple excess enthusiasm or simple…excess.

I do know that it was fun and I’d probably do it again.

My father was lactose-intolerant and if he drank even a small glass of milk his stomach would get upset…but he loved milk. I asked him once why he continued to drink milk even when he knew the adverse effects it would bring.

He said, “Sometimes you have to put up with the bad to get the good.”

Obviously, that’s different than putting up with the bad to get bad, like drug abuse or overspending.

But, understanding that you may have to put up with some less-than-desirable stuff in order to get the really good stuff is not a bad tradeoff.

Where are your tradeoffs? And, are there ways to make the less-than-desirable parts not so less-than-desirable or the better parts better?

Wallpaper and The Rolling Stones

2011-09-16T05:24:00.001-07:00

The other day someone told me that relationships are like wallpaper.

She said, “You go through all these books looking at tons of designs and colors and then…you find exactly what you want. But, they don’t have enough to wallpaper the whole room. You can keep looking, hoping you’ll find something else you like just as well, but you know you won’t. Or, you can settle for something else that they do have enough of, but you know that every time you look at your walls you’ll be reminded that that was not your first choice. Or, you can wallpaper one wall and then use colors and accents to dress it up.”

I like the metaphor.

Later, I thought about the Rolling Stones singing, “You can’t always get what you want, but you can get what you need.”

I’ve always been one of those folks who tried to figure out what I wanted and then went after it; I didn’t just settle for what I needed. Sometimes I got both. Very often I got neither.

But, maybe she’s got a point. If you know what you need and you can get that maybe you’ll be lucky enough to also end up getting what you want. Which might not be a bad deal. While you are working for what you want you at least have what you need.

So, that gets us to the question: If the Stones are right, do you know what you need?

Have a great weekend, it looks like fall is here. See you Monday.

Are You Mission Ready?

2011-09-15T04:34:00.001-07:00

If you’ve ever encountered some of the heroes in our military you know that most of them are “mission ready.”

At the drop of a hat—or, more realistically, at the sound of a shot—they are ready to pick up their gear and go.

The reason our military is mission ready is because it’s the best trained force in the history of humankind. Overall in our society, the military probably does the best job of asking “What if?” and then growing the leaders, training the force, planning for equipment needs, completing the mission and then debriefing so they can learn from the experience.

If we all could do as good a job of handling those processes what would our individual and collective success rate be like?

I’ll go ahead and anticipate the thought that blistered through some of your minds just then, “If I had a budget like that I could do great stuff, too!”

No, Skippy, it ain’t about money…it’s about thinking.

Too many people don’t like to think…it makes their head hurt and it’s too much trouble.

And, believe me, there are lots of times that I’m right there with ya.

Are you—are we—am I—mission ready?

Run Screaming From the Room!!

2011-09-13T05:53:00.000-07:00

I’m going to use a word that may make some of you run screaming from the room.

FOOTBALL!

Now, for the rest of you who are still with me….if you have not seen the Kenny Chesney-produced video, Boys of Fall…you need to.

When Tony Dungy, the former Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Indianapolis Colts coach, says, “Football is like life, it just happens faster,” I realized that you could show this to anyone and simply ask them to look for the same life lessons in music, gardening, tattooing, your day at the office…whatever.

You may have to go online to Bestbuy.com or Amazon.com to get it, but I can assure you, it’s worth the trouble. Be sure you’re clear about which format, DVD or Blue-ray, you need. It’s only about $13 new and you can get used copies for $4.

Buy a bunch and give’em as presents. Watch it twice and then give it to someone and ask them to watch it.

Boys of Fall should be required viewing not only for anyone who plays or played, but for anyone who loves someone who does or did. Every mother of a football player, no matter how old (the player, not the mother); every wife, girlfriend or female pal; and every cheerleader should see it.

This is the best explanation of why a lot of us are kinda crazy for at least four months out of the year. And, yes, I record games and watch old games on ESPN Classic and ESPNU between seasons.

The comments from the coaches are worth the price of the video. Their thoughts about why they do what they do and the effect it has on young men are outstanding. (And, yes, there are a couple of coaches who are in the headlines right now, but listen to what they say)

One of our cultural challenges today is finding ways to expose young people to concepts that lead to success. Hell, we don’t have enough adults exposed to success strategies. Boys of Fall is an extraordinary example of a 21st Century version of elders sitting around the fire in front of the cave and explaining, “This is how we did it.”

It’s a wonderful combination of storytelling and technology.

Get Boys of Fall right now.

A Drunk Moose In a Tree

2011-09-12T06:02:00.000-07:00

An apparently drunken moose was freed from the fork of a tree in southwestern Sweden recently. The animal control team believed the moose had been eating fermented apples and got caught in the tree.

If you’re actually LIVING your life and not just spending every day coloring inside the lines and going by the rules you’ll find yourself caught in the fork of a tree every now and then; you’ll find yourself in an uncomfortable position.

The situation could be in a relationship, at work, in your spiritual life or related to your health or physical life. I’ve tried exercises that looked pretty cool in a magazine when a professional was doing them and it didn’t take long before my body started giving me that “uh, oh” feeling. But, at least I tried.

I’ve definitely had situations in relationships in which I was trying to find the answers to important questions and other folks didn’t like my methods. I know just how the moose in the tree fork felt.

Doing things in new or different (read that “your own”) ways will always put you on the fringe. Your methods, no matter how well-intentioned, will often attract comments, opinions and reactions that aren’t positive.

You simply have to deal with the impact, try to turn it into a positive, and keep LIVING.

If you haven’t been in the fork of a tree lately maybe you haven’t been eating enough fermented apples…or LIVING.

Do you spend every day coloring inside the lines?

What Lens Do You Use?

2011-09-09T04:10:00.000-07:00

Thanks for being patient and letting me blather on this week about my new skydiving adventure. I promise I'll be on to another topic on Monday.

But, as you can tell, the experience has had a dramatic effect on me. I learned a ton of lessons in a short period of time.

The experience has given me a new lens—skydiving—through which to see life.

Everyone uses a lens of some type through which they see life. Some of my friends use music; others use football. Some use nature as a way to understand what goes on around them; other people see it all as a business proposition.

Psychologists call it “framing.” We all frame life in basic ways as good, bad, a challenge, a problem…we all frame.

The frame we use can easily lead us to automatically label others as competitors or teammates; enemies or friends.

My week, and probably yours, too, has brought some dramatic opportunities to fly…but, it’s also brought a couple of dramatic crashes (although not in skydiving, thank goodness).

Looking at life through my new lens I’m trying to learn that as long as you can get up and dust yourself off you get another chance to fly.

Through what lens do you see life?

Have a great weekend. See you Monday.

Just Blow Me Away

2011-09-08T11:31:00.000-07:00

Spent yesterday afternoon at ParacleteXP, a $10 million, 3-story, vertical wind tunnel near Fayetteville. Go to paracletexp.com and check’em out.

Here’s the technical definition: “A Vertical Wind Tunnel is a wind tunnel that moves air up in a vertical column. It's mostly for purposes of recreation, but also serves as a valuable training device for skydivers and the military.”

Here’s my definition: THIS IS THE MOST FUN YOU CAN HAVE AND STILL HAVE YOUR CLOTHES ON!!

Although the wind, at 120-150 miles per hour depending on your weight, feels like it’s trying to blow your jumpsuit off.

My instructor, Justin Hodge, was great. Not once did he say, “What’s a 59-year old fat man like you doing this for?”

I did it because it’s as close to flying as you’ll truly get. A skydive is basically a controlled fall through the sky. Flying in the wind tunnel is…flying.

Justin gave me a pointer that has transferred into a life lesson: Small is fast and big is slow. The smaller you make your body (legs and arms in) the faster you go. When you spread your limbs out you slow down.

Ain’t life like that? The more stuff, involvements, baggage and stresses you have the slower you go. Think about a concept like your/our carbon footprint. The more you can shed some of that stuff the better we all are and the faster you can go. The more you speed up, the more fun you have.

For instance, I have a ton of books. I shed about half-a-ton earlier in the summer so I’d be able to better see what I have and can use. I’m getting ready to shed about half-a-ton more after learning my new lesson.

Small is faster and faster is better.

Don’t you need to be a little smaller so you can move a little faster and have a little more fun?

THROW MIKE OUT OF THE PLANE!!

2011-09-07T07:09:00.001-07:00

Hang with me on this one, it’s kinda wild.

Last night I was going through the online tutorial by the United States Parachute Association. It’s a great site that helps new skydivers go over everything from parts of the rig to entering and exiting the plane to landing. Good stuff.

What struck me most were instructions about what to do in various emergencies.

You know, the HOLY SH**! kind of stuff.

One of the emergencies—very infrequent, by the way—is called “chute out.” This means some or all of a parachute canopy has come out inside the plane. In simple terms, someone’s parachute starts coming out before they are out.

If the door is closed there’s usually no problem. You just corral the canopy, tie it up and get it into a safe place. However, if part of the canopy gets outside the door the wind force is so strong you probably can’t get it back in. And, if the canopy and lines get tangled around parts of the plane the effect can be catastrophic.

The USPA manual says, “Whoever the canopy part belongs to needs to exit the plane immediately. If that means you push people out of your way, or push the person with the issue out, do so. Having a canopy deploy outside the plane can be deadly not only to that jumper but can damage the aircraft and take the entire plane load of people down.”

I immediately thought of the instruction as it might relate to workplaces in which one or more people are causing problems, bucking change, underperforming or, in some way, endangering the performance of the group.

It could also apply to habits, attitudes, ideas or beliefs that keep your life from being what you want and need it to be.

Whatever it is, or whoever they are, you have to get them out. Sometimes it isn’t an easy decision, but if you don’t you and/or the group goes down.

So, who or what do you need to push out the door?

I GET IT, ALREADY!!

2011-09-06T06:07:00.001-07:00

Hope you don’t get tired of hearing me talk about the tandem skydiving experience on Sunday but there were so many life lessons pressed into a short period of time.

My outstanding tandem instructor, Andrew Lee, told me six (6) times that we were connected at four points on the harness. He told me twice during the instructions phase and once while we were standing outside the hanger waiting to board the plane. He told me three times in the plane; once when we got seated, once at about seven thousand feet when he started hooking me up and again about three minutes before we started moving to the door.

Why?

Because he wanted me to be confident that we’d be safe and that the outcome would be what we planned and what he told me it would be. Also, because at the moment that I needed to perform he wanted my reaction to be as close to automatic as possible. (Why do you think coaches drill players on the same plays over and over and over and over?)

Humans forget 50-75% of what they are told within 24 hours and 90% within a week.

Imagine that you are in a stressful situation like a big change at work, a disagreement with a loved one, running out the door to get to work…or getting ready to jump out of an airplane. How attentive are you to start with?

If you are going to have relationships with other human beings you’ve got to understand that you probably can’t just tell them something one time and EXPECT THEM TO GET IT!

If, when you repeat something, they indicate that they got it and understand, fine, move on. But, subtly, and gently bring up the issue later, in another way, and you’ll discover if they REALLY GOT IT of were just blowing you off.

Every time Andrew told me we would be/were connected I acknowledged it. It was only on the fourth, fifth and sixth times that it clicked with me and built my confidence.

An old adage in public speaking is Tell’em What You’re Going to Tell’em, Tell’em and Tell’em What You Told’em.

To whom should you be telling something again?

PUNCHING A BIGA** HOLE IN A CLOUD!!!

2011-09-05T06:08:00.000-07:00

I know it’s Labor Day and some of you will read this at work on Tuesday, but the simple fact that I’m writing it means I didn’t auger in on my tandem skydive on Sunday.

One word to describe the experience is: AWESOME! The word is a cliché but the “awe” part is wonderfully appropriate. We flew through the edge of a cloud!

Two words to describe it would be: Life Changing. That’s also a clichéd way to see an experience like this but think about using it as a lens through which to see life.

You are putting your life in the hands of a stranger you met a few minutes ago. The only way they can create and increase your confidence that you’ll come through the experience safely is to tell you (constantly and consistently) what they are doing, why they are doing it, what you need to do and what the positive outcomes will be if you do what they tell you to do.

Now, apply that to a potential marriage or management situation.

Too often we zoom off into relationships or work situations based on emotions or assumptions. There were no assumptions in the process of my jump yesterday. Andrew Lee, my tandem instructor, was outstanding. He was very professional, and laid back enough to make sure the experience was fun. I don’t think he realized the impact of the life lessons he was teaching.

I learned more about relationships in half-an-hour of riding up to 13,000 feet, being pushed out of a perfectly good airplane and floating to earth than I’ve learned in 40 years of interacting with people of the opposite sex.

I also learned that if organizations really wanted to offer a teambuilding exercise to new managers (hell, to all managers and executives) that, instead of a silly ropes course, would truly offer an experience that worked, they'd take'em all skydiving.

What challenge are you facing that you need more information, more confidence, more planning in order for it to be successful? Is it a relationship? Is it a change in workplace?

What if you knew you had to make a tandem skydive? You couldn't get out of it; you HAD to do it. How much planning and thought would you put into it? Why not do the same for your life situation?