Wednesday, September 23, 2020

But..what about...me?


Every morning I read from one of the 20 or so books in my "days of the year" collection. 

There's the spiritual thought-of-the-day book, the funny quote-of-the-day book, Your Daily Rock by Patti Digh and a "Today in Business" book. 

Some days the messages seem to align with a central issue...on those days I pay special attention because I I get the feeling something or someone is speaking to me...today the issue is me.

Each of the readings affirmed and reaffirmed my value as a person. 

The 13th Century Persian poet, Hafiz, said, "I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being."

Reverend Janet Beach wrote, "The best gift I can give myself is to be me, not what others want me to be."

Lady Gaga was straightforward, "Don't you ever let a soul in the world tell you that you can't be exactly who you are."

For those of us of a certain age the good intentions of our upbringing told us that thinking of ourselves was/is selfish, self-centered, "not the way good children act."  We, too often, resist looking inward and smiling. 

Today, for a moment, let's understand that it will be difficult to find our way along our paths if we don't realize that the feet we must put in front of each other are our own.

As Sam Howell, the young quarterback phenom for the UNC Tar Heels, said, ""You have to believe in yourself before everyone else is going to believe in you.” 

Today, do it for you...and, I'll do it for me.




If you find value in today's message please share.








 

Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Gifts In the Closet

 

I had never met my first college roommate until the day we shook hands in the room we would share for a semester. He was a country boy (I was little more) from a big family who had never slept in a bed by himself until he came to Carolina. Once he set foot on campus at UNC he did not go home for the 3 1/2 years it took him to complete his degree.  

Years later, when we crossed paths, he told me his parents had put his gifts from 3 Christmases in a closet and they were waiting for him him when he finally returned. I often think about those gifts, bought with love I'm sure, gathering dust in the closet.

 Too often, we let the little things of life--and big things--waste away in our closets. We don't even consider writer Mitch Albom's wisdom, "You can find something truly important in an ordinary minute." 

The gifts we get of taking a breath, looking around, feeling the sun on our faces and recognizing the smile of another sit in our closets waiting to be appreciated.

When you see the period at the end of this sentence (you looked, didn't you?) take a moment to sit back, take a deep breath and think about one thing you have to be grateful for today.

(If you think this might help someone, share it with them, it might be the one gift they get today.)

Friday, September 4, 2020

Even Bad Movies Can Be Good


 How Do You Know was made in 2010 and, if you check the stars, had a lineup that destined it for--if not greatness--at least, respectability. Instead, the movie cost $60 million to make and brought in $48 million...it lost $12 Million Dollars!

I'm sure we could offer a list of suggestions of what the producers could have spent that $60 million on...yes?

Here's the entire movie in one sentence: Reese Witherspoon is a star member of the US Olympic Softball team who gets cut, gets depressed, and finds love with an unlikely partner (no, not Jack Nicholson). That's it, that's the movie. I'll tell you up front...I didn't make it through the whole thing. It was kinda cute, but not that cute.

However, the wonderful actor, Tony Shalhoub, has a bit part as a psychologist and he offers a line that, as far as I'm concerned is the best thing in the movie. It is one of those lines that should have God prefacing it with, "Now, you should pay attention to this."

Witherspoon's character goes to see Shalhoub the shrink, realizes she doesn't want the counseling, but asks in a roundabout (one of the reasons the movie tanked) way, "Is there a general question or thought or bit of advice that could help anyone in any situation at any time?"

Shalhoub says, simply, "Yeah. You have to figure out what you want and how to ask for it."

That's it.

The line echoed in my head as I walked out of the room, I was thinking about it when I fell asleep, it was my first thought when I awoke and I've been thinking about it all day.

"You have to figure out what you want and how to ask for it."

The "what you want" could be THE ONE THING or it could be the primary thing in each of the different areas of life; physical, mental, spiritual, professional, family, community and any other area that is important to you.

The "how to ask" is interesting...it could mean, literally, asking in the verbal sense along with, of course, who you should ask.

But, it could also infer action...if you know what you want and focus on it and do the things you need to do to get it then, quite often, you'll end up with what you want. You've, essentially, asked the universe through your thoughts and actions and the universe has offered up the reward.

(And yes, I know that right now you Negative Nellies are thinking, "Nooooo, sometimes you work your tail off and don't get...blah...blah...blah. I get that...but, if you spent as much time trying as you do whining you'd get a lot more of what you want...trust me.) 

"You have to figure out what you want and how to ask for it."

A few months ago I saw a graphic that said, "The pandemic is the world putting everything on hold to give you a chance to get your sh** together." 

I'm taking that advice seriously. And, part of me getting my sh** together is trying to figure out what I want for the decade or so have left to be relevant in life. 

I'm getting close to an answer...and, I'm getting close to figuring out how to ask for it.

How about you?

IF you see value in this, if you know someone it might help...pass it on.

Wednesday, September 2, 2020

Removing the Cobwebs

 

        My friend, Lily, lives in a place surrounded by wonderfully big trees. The shade is comforting and calming. The wind and rain often turn the forest into an orchestra creating symphonies that are joyful and scary at the same time.

However, the shade and moisture encourage the local spider population to weave cobwebs like politicians spreading conspiracy theories; they are anywhere and everywhere.

So, Lily bought a “Webster” web remover. It’s a brush on the end of a telescoping handle. Cost about $12 (they range from $12-50) and took about 30 seconds to put together. It took about 3 minutes to clear out her cobwebs and those of her next-door neighbor.

Here’s my point: We all have cobwebs in our lives; those clinging, grasping entanglements—mental and physical—that keep us from moving ahead, from making progress, from being who we know we can be. 

Would you spend $12 to be free of some of those infernal frictions? Freedom might be as close as standing up for yourself, changing your mind/attitudes, going for a walk, turning off the TV or Facebook, or paying some bills. 

And yes, sweeping away those cobwebs might cost more than $12 or $50, but how proud would you be to stand in front of your door or your mirror and say, “Yep, I that’s my place!”?

 

Web Removers on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=webster+web+remover&crid=1YF07FYRFVXSE&sprefix=Webster+web%2Caps%2C538&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_11

Monday, August 31, 2020

What's Your Gate?

Too often this is life. You're walking around in the yard thinking, "I've got to get the heck out of here, but how do I get through the gate?"

Maybe one or more of these 10 attitudes are fencing you in:
1. Negative thinking...you're standing on the porch looking at the back of the gate and thinking, "I bet the damned gate is locked!"
2. Giving up too soon..."Every time I want to do something there's a gate I've got to go through. It's just too much trouble."
3. Living in the past...."The last time I tried to leave the gate was locked."
4. Self-limiting behavior..."I've never tried to open a gate like that before."
5. Negativity..."Even if I get out of here I bet there's nothing fun to do once I'm outside."
6. The Blame Game..."It's Their Fault for putting a gate up in the first place!"
7. Resisting Change..."The gate used to open the other way...(sniffle) BUT THEY CHANGED IT!"
8. Honoring Others' Priorities Over Their Own..."I should probably wait until everyone else wants to leave."
9. Doubt Their own Instincts..."I bet I could just walk right through that gate! Naaah, that would never work."
10. Search for the Easy Answer..."You know, I bet I could just walk out of the yard without going through the gate." (Amazing how often that works!)
 

Tuesday, August 25, 2020

Best friends forever. What happened to that?


We all have someone in our lives we've bumped into. 

Well, maybe we didn't just bump into them, maybe we crossed swords with them.

Whatever happened, and however you describe it, you and they are on the outs.  

Recently, I saw a quote, "Best friends forever. What happened to that?"

I have a "best friend" whom I've known all my life. Back around '83 we had a bump up and it was a dozen years before we accidentally crossed paths. We made up and were fast friends for about 13 years. 

Then, I made a life decision that took me out of his orbit, he said some mean-spirited things and now, 11 years later, we still haven't spoken. 

I've reached out every year by email to wish him a Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas...crickets. For all I know he could have died, but we have some mutual acquaintances so they'd probably say something.

Here's the point...none of us are so well-friended that we don't need another friend. Plus, we don't need the stress of thinking about what I've just been writing about.

So, during the next week I'm going to reach out again and see how he's doing.

Here's my challenge to you: Pick someone with whom you've had a bump up...float a small--or large--effort to reconcile. See what happens. The simple act that you tried makes you the bigger person.