Noooo. I’m not
watching Dr. Phil!! I’m…uh…watching a rerun of the Oklahoma/Nebraska college
football game from 1973!!
Ok, ya caught me…as
comedian Ron White would say, “Ya caught The Tater.”
I had recorded Monday’s
Dr. Phil episode because Julie Morgenstern, a time-management and organization
specialist I like, was going to be on the program and I thought I’d learn
something…which I did…but not from Morgenstern, who was on for about 5 seconds.
The show was about two
couples having significant challenges finding time for themselves because they
have so many family responsibilities. In one couple the guy was simply an
immature dope and wouldn’t help his wife clean up around the house. The other
couple had ten kids (which tells me they found a LOT of time for themselves but
were only doing one thing with it) and organizing their home was like managing
the 101st Airborne being deployed.
Here’s the first thing
I learned: Couples relationship research shows the first four minutes you spend
together when you encounter each other sets the tone for what the rest of the
time will be like. So, when you come home at the end of the day you need to be
sure and make the first four minutes positive. If the first thing you’re doing
when you walk in the door is complain the probability that the rest of the time
ain’t gonna be good is pretty high.
I’m thinking the logic
may work at work, too. Without being too literal on the four minutes limit I’m
thinking that if one of the first things you do when you get to work is say “hello”
in a positive way and catch someone doing something right it may start your day
and their day off in positive ways.
Here’s the second thing
I learned (and yes, it’s a cliché and we’re all supposed to know this, but not
enough of us do it): For a relationship to be successful, whether work or
personal, each person has to spend some time learning what the other person
wants out of the relationship. Then, again, if it matters to each person that
the relationship be successful, they each need to negotiate getting what they
want. It might be an easy negotiation if each agrees, “Oh, you want that? Ok, I’ll
do it.” Or, it could be a stretch, “Oh, you want THAT?” “Uh, mmmm….ok, I’ll
need to think about it a little.”
Either way is ok
because it gets the parties communicating and working together.
And here’s something I
re-learned in the last 48 hours, and I didn’t learn it from Dr. Phil: It’s the
working together part that matters.